Dungeons & Grunts
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Welcome to the chaotic world of our Dungeons and Dragons podcast! Here you will meet a group of unlikely adventurers brought together by fate, or perhaps by sheer misfortune. Among them is an Army grunt who can't seem to control his potty mouth, a Marine struggling to choose between dark purple and tropical blue crayons for his next snack, a Navy sailor with a certain affinity for...well, let's just say he likes things long and hard, and an Airman who enjoys luxury accommodations. Leading the charge as Dungeon Master is a failed Army cadet, who will challenge these disparate personalities to work together and survive the dangerous quests ahead. Will they succeed, or will their differences lead to their downfall? Tune in to this Nat 1 podcast, where chaos reigns and anything can happen.
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Dungeons & Grunts
Ep. 16: Sewers and Secrets
Deep in the sewers beneath the city, our band of military veterans faces their most unusual challenge yet—a sentient ooze creature born from magical experimentation gone wrong!
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I have a candle. Oh jesus, what the fuck was that? I have a question.
Speaker 3:Well, all this commotion is don't interrupt, but I have a question.
Speaker 4:Hello, Thank you so much for tuning in to Dungeons Grunts, where a bunch of military folks get together to play some Dungeons Dragons. Here we got myself, Daniel been in the Air Force. We got. I forgot the order. I'm just going to go down the line. Chappy, who was in the Marines he was a chubby kid as a child, but now look at him, Gosh, such a handsome fellow.
Speaker 5:Now he thinks he has Lyme disease.
Speaker 4:I think it's the beard I was setting you up, chappie, because you look so handsome. Now, anyway, we got Eric, who looks like that one guy from Mandalorian who was in the Navy Bale, our beautiful yet bald dungeon master, who's also 12 years old. Then we got Alex. Actually, no, bale was also a prior army cadet, but he failed. I forgot to add that in there.
Speaker 1:Oh, by the way. By the way, he's a fucking failure. Then we got Alex the handsome little stash beard combo.
Speaker 4:He's got over there. But very white, who was in the army? I'm kind of doing like a roast, but complimentary thing going on. I don't know why I'm doing it, but it just happened.
Speaker 6:I've said it in the introductions you have a nice way of sounding mean yeah, uh, what can I say?
Speaker 4:officers are good at that. And then, yeah, alex, he's in the army, or is in the army still. And then we got our new member, jay dog, who has a glorious beard, but he is uh, uh. He does not have a cool mic like everyone else. He has the budget. Walmart headset.
Speaker 6:Uh no, this mic. This mic is nice and I have. I have the good mic, it's just I don't have it set up right now, because that's wrong answer. You know what? This is the same mic from the soon to be the first emo on the channel We'll post that later.
Speaker 2:All right, I have a couple of notes out of this from the soon to be the first emote on the channel.
Speaker 4:We'll post that later. I have a couple of emotes out of this oh crap, I forgot to roast myself. And then, yeah, I got me. I'm handsome and beautiful in every way Tiny penis. And also Asian. So tiny wee-wee, unfortunately. But yes, we are. Oops, I clicked out. We are rolling into it. Thank you all so much for tuning in. We're in episode 16. Yes, 16. I believe we're stuck in this. Did you just interrupt me?
Speaker 5:Because you forgot someone important who?
Speaker 4:Eric. I already called Eric, he called.
Speaker 1:Eric and he said discount Pedro Pascal yeah, come on man you ruined my flow.
Speaker 4:What the heck man I was on it.
Speaker 6:Okay, anyway, I can't believe he disaligned his chakras this is awful intro already.
Speaker 4:We'll get into it. I guess we'll just go down the line then. So yes, I am, I am some Ting Wong. I play as a wise, yet very low intelligence monk, changeling monk. I think the topic is for today is what our favorite bar fight move is. Right in a tavern. Mine would be. I thought long and hard about this. I would do like the fake Chuck Norris kick to stun the person, like oh no, don't hurt me. And then I would do a little crouch, little move like hold on my camera's not getting it. How'd that go again? Then I get the little flick ready and then I get nice and low and then I right on the nards.
Speaker 1:Your angle looked like you were doing this. I'm like are you tickling this fucking asshole there?
Speaker 7:Oh, let me look.
Speaker 4:Right on the no-no spot spot and then it disarms the attacker effectively. Smart alright, chappy alright good name's dog.
Speaker 5:I'm, uh, light cleric. I do have a move. I like to pull out in emergency situations. Only that's both knees to the chest, butt slam that's how you really finish them what.
Speaker 4:It starts and ends All that ass on your chest.
Speaker 6:We call it the donk drop.
Speaker 5:The donk drop, the butt slam.
Speaker 4:The booty drop. So the thing is, though are they going to be happy or scared when it happens?
Speaker 6:I would say unhappy if it's anywhere but their face.
Speaker 4:Alright, eric or JJ. I would say anywhere but their face.
Speaker 3:alright, eric or JJ hello, I am DrJ, also known as. My favorite color is green and I am playing as a Goliath Barbarian, level four. Currently. I, too, have a favorite bar fight move, and that is grabbing my mug, smashing it, so I can use the handles to stab them in the throat and then, shortly after, grab their Nads and rip it off. That's how I roll next.
Speaker 1:What a lot of all related injuries very gore.
Speaker 4:All right, and then Alex alright, and then Alex hello.
Speaker 7:My name is Spikilo Meal rogue by trade, elf by birth, troublemaker by choice. When I do get into the brawl my favorite one out of many is the disappearing drink. It's basically while everyone is fist fighting. I slip behind the biggest guy that's in the fight and I snatch a mug that's full right off the table and I smash it over their head. But by the time the glass shatters I'm already out the door With a coin from his purse. In Shadowvale we don't really brawl, we vanish. So that's why I prefer that and I make the most money out of it.
Speaker 1:Respectable, respectable rogue choice and, lastly, we have Stucundus.
Speaker 6:I am Stucundus. I am Stucundus Richard, and as a bard I am not unfamiliar with the tavern problem. Every now and again I like to get out before the show starts, to not damage my quest. So I like to do what's known as the Fe duster I ruffle up, let all my down out in a big cloud and I got away nice, just run nice so we have.
Speaker 1:Another duster, so we have two people who don't even fucking fight. We have testicular torture of two, and then we have ass slam.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't say testicular torture of two, I'd say one, because Eric's they're already dead, so they don't. You know, it's not really torture at that point.
Speaker 6:That adds a really bad only level to it oh, that's fair.
Speaker 4:They're bleeding out okay, so they're still alive, never mind. Nice really goes to show how military-esque we are really like balls, love the balls really really like balls um, and I'm Abel, the local daddy, so red Huh.
Speaker 7:You look like a Kool-Aid man.
Speaker 5:Oh yeah.
Speaker 6:The neck means the dog, so red.
Speaker 1:I don't know why I'm red. So you guys went to the local bakery in the Eastern District Again, I don't have the name'm red. So you guys went to the local bakery in the eastern district again I don't have the name pull up because my notes have just magically vanished today. The baker's name was Gwen and he gave you info on his daughter's disappearance, provided you guys a shoe, had some ooze left over on it. So he advised going to the mystic emporium.
Speaker 1:So you guys went to the mystic emporium, spoke with the, went to the mystic emporium, spoke with the owner, a bit of an eccentric individual and he provided some info, uh, about the ooze. It was left over from a ooblex that appeared to have been modified by some arcane rituals of some kind, and also he was the individual that you guys wanted to speak to about your guys affliction. He took some blood samples from you guys some of you were a little more hesitant than others to provide that and gave you a little mission of like hey, I'm helping you, help me out, I need some mushrooms that are growing in the sewers. This is also where he usually he ascertained this uh ooblex would be located at, as they do like more secluded areas, and disappearances have been occurring kind of more near the sewer entrances.
Speaker 3:So I guess there wasn't me that left the ooze that was in the back room with a particular somebody? Nope. Wait, whoa no.
Speaker 6:Are our bathrooms leaving oozes now?
Speaker 1:No, all right, disregard.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:What are you getting? What are you getting? And I completely caught me off guard.
Speaker 3:It was a Spanish guard. What can I say?
Speaker 6:He was I mean mean, she was um never mind okay, um, back to the recap.
Speaker 1:Back to the recap. So, um, you guys were uh doing a little bit too much discussion for the owner's uh taste and he was like I could just get you guys there instantly, and uh snapped his fingers or did some hand gestures and you guys were all teleported into the sewers. Um, you guys did find one of those little arcane mushrooms. They're uh glowing uh little pink mushrooms, and thank you, um, nerd. And see, I know. No, I need note takers because my shit vanishes at the goddamn time and I don't know where it is. It makes me cry.
Speaker 1:Um, and so then you guys kind of started exploring and the ooblecks seemed to have started messing with your guys's minds. And, secunda, oh, you guys got to um kind of an impasse, uh junction type uh layout to the sewers, and secundus um started hearing voices and so did the jj. The jj ran left, uh, after the voice, which then, uh, he proceeded to get grabbed by a tentacle, dragged away. Something hopped onto him to try and smack it away, failed, and both of them just get dragged into the darkness. Secundus ran ahead after the voice of his hatchmate and Donk followed forward after him. They had a little conversation with a rat and then Shaquille was kind of left like what the fuck he did, and we ended with Shaquille screaming out Donk's name. What I want is Donk and Secundus. Yeah, can you guys roll me a perception check?
Speaker 7:oh, we're starting to roll here, we go, here we go, I yelled it. If that entire fucking sewer does not hear that I swear 12 is what donk rolled for the perception check 15 15.
Speaker 1:So, umk, you didn't hear it. I mean, you heard like a sound but you didn't know what it was. It was just kind of like an echo. It was kind of just an echoey, muffled noise. Secundus, you're able to kind of hear it. It almost sounds like that kind of standoffish elf who was afraid of needles. That kind of standoffish elf who's afraid of needles was screaming out the big-booted Floriborg's name. The elf, the elf's yelling for you.
Speaker 5:Oh, the elf Wait. Shaquille, shaquille, shaquille. I can't really perception. I heard that yodeling like a Wookiee, I could really sense the emotion I'm afraid it's wet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you definitely can. You can definitely hear dog saying so, girl. So you guys are a good distance away. But looking at the layout again, so let's say, shaquille, you're facing back, or you're facing where the JJ and something just vanished into the fucking sewer darkness. Um, so behind you and kinda to your right side, you're able to hear that Shaquille and you can kind of I mean, you could probably very easily figure out where to go if you wanted to go find them.
Speaker 7:I'm trying to check my inventory to see if I have a torch. I have a candle. Oh Jesus, what the fuck was that trying to check my inventory to see if I have a torch.
Speaker 1:I have a candle Sure.
Speaker 3:Oh Jesus, what the fuck was that? I have a question. Well, all this commotion is. I have a question. Don't interrupt Question.
Speaker 2:I didn't know this part could do that but I have a question.
Speaker 3:I hear you, you ask so, during all this commotion of everyone yelling at each other, can I come running back from the darkness? No, no you're actively.
Speaker 1:You're actively being dragged. That's your question. That's your question, bro.
Speaker 3:No, I mounted that tentacle. That's your question. You mounted that tentacle.
Speaker 1:No, no, you failed multiple checks to get out of it. You are fully wrapped, getting dragged away. Okay, yeah, you would. Yeah, because I had you do a couple of athletics checks to try and get out of it.
Speaker 3:Okay, fair enough, continue athletics checks to try and get out of it and Okay, fair enough, continue on. Who needs?
Speaker 4:edits.
Speaker 7:This is an editing nightmare. Take away his audio privileges.
Speaker 4:I'm going to go back and edit this. I'm like what the frick is that?
Speaker 7:You should be able to disable the soundboard.
Speaker 4:You're revoked, god.
Speaker 1:Airhorn just got me, um, yeah, no. So what happened was, yeah, you filled a bunch of athletics checks and were just fully wrapped up and getting dragged away and something is like holding on for dear life. Was trying to fucking smack away and rip the tentacle off of you and couldn't. So he is on top of you trying to hold on for dear life as you guys are being dragged away. So, yeah, you wouldn't be able to break out of that tentacle. So what do you want to do? Something? Or Shaquille?
Speaker 7:Shaquille, yeah, yeah, I'm browsing through my inventory. I was thinking if I can grab a candle and an oil flask and combine the two to just make.
Speaker 1:I mean, you wouldn't really have to, because you have darkvision.
Speaker 7:I know, but I'm trying to light my path path for dunk because what I'm going to do next is oh, okay, so is that a yes?
Speaker 1:If you have a light source, you can certainly try.
Speaker 7:I have a candle. I have a candle and I have an oil flask. I just light my oil flask and I just dump it.
Speaker 1:Into a sewer. Amazing idea. Probably full of methane gas.
Speaker 7:Well, I guess it's also filled with water, right?
Speaker 1:Water and other things, sure Okay.
Speaker 7:Alright, well, in that case I'll just go to my original plan plan. I'll just light the candle so I can at least yeah, light the way.
Speaker 1:Perhaps Donk will see it um, I will say then, donk and Secundus, roll a wisdom. Uh, check for me to see if you guys would be able to ascertain where you guys are and where that sound came from.
Speaker 6:Push a button.
Speaker 5:Oh yeah, I know exactly where I am.
Speaker 6:The condest is just bird necking around everywhere, no idea what the what is going on?
Speaker 7:Oh, it was a save, not a check.
Speaker 6:Yeah, yeah Was it a save, not a check. Oh, it's a save. Yeah, was it a save or a check. I actually hit save, but hold on, let me hit the wooden check.
Speaker 5:Let me try. I double do the same thing. Still brain dead.
Speaker 1:Same thing, so so. So, if that's the case, yeah, donk definitely knows where he's at. And yeah, um, because you guys kind of got turned around a little bit, um that uh, his yell came from. Well, actually, no donk wouldn't have heard the scream, because he donk didn't hear the scream, you wouldn't know where it's coming from. He only succumbed to.
Speaker 7:I light my candle as I start sprinting towards a Vajayjay and I go oh boy.
Speaker 5:Cut out so hard.
Speaker 1:That was a perfect time Dog roll another check again to see if you can hear this time. Yeah sorry, perception, jack, to see if you can hear this time. Yeah sorry, perception, check to see if you can hear that again.
Speaker 5:What was that? I heard something.
Speaker 1:That came from the left tunnel.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, real quick. I could just see Chappy like smoldering like what's that?
Speaker 5:Where is that?
Speaker 1:Timmy fell down the well oh no, gotta go find him. He's timmy was lassie, but um yeah, no, that came from the left.
Speaker 1:Lassie pushed him lassie, hell yeah um little bitch lassie strikes back yeah, that's coming from the left tunnel. So if you guys want to run after um that voice, you guys totally can um, but as you guys are on high alert, you guys um do hear um what sounds like, because you guys are perception roles are pretty high. Uh, you guys did hear um some footsteps from kind of behind. You guys uh in in a different tunnel.
Speaker 5:Wait, who did?
Speaker 1:I did Both of you, both of you. Here are footsteps behind you, guys, in a distant tunnel.
Speaker 6:So Condis is going to like reach out with his weird hand, feather wings right and like do donk in the direction to help his friends. But I also want to investigate behind me. So as he's flapping, as you do that bird head turn thing and try to look in the direction he heard you know, I hate that. Socks are like you.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I'm just seeing like you're like pluming out and then your head just fucking 100% you're gonna have to teach me how to do that.
Speaker 5:That's pretty cool we're gonna go help these guys. Are you coming?
Speaker 6:maybe I rolled a 50.
Speaker 5:Okay, all right, I'll see you there and then I start maybe I rolled a 50, okay, alright, I'll see you there. And then I start, like I said, all this as I'm trying to like, start running and then, as soon as I'm done, I run okay, so you've left Secundus by himself, so Secundus great idea party separation, although Secundus by himself, so Secundus Great idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, party separation Woo.
Speaker 5:Although I was trying to get us both to go back together, but he's like nah, so I'm going.
Speaker 1:So Doug just goes, so I guess we'll just focus on Secundus. So Secundus, you are turning around and are you walking towards the footsteps that you heard?
Speaker 6:No, I just turned and did an investigation where I got a 15.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, you can definitely hear that it's like. So like the footsteps you're hearing almost seem like the person is walking kind of with a limp. So like the footsteps you're hearing almost seemed like the person is walking kind of with a limp. You don't hear any weird like, like, like groaning sounds that would indicate something like you know, like an undead or something like that. But you do hear like this incoherent rambling, almost like whispered in the distance.
Speaker 6:And I'm going chasing right after Donk.
Speaker 1:Okay, then we're going to throw that little story piece out, so we'll actually cut to Donk and something, so we can kind of like back and forth between you guys real quick Well what did you? Roll Eleven, it's high enough. As you're running, you um, feel the this, the that, like scarring on the side of your head, kind of start to burn a little bit as um, as you're running and um, can you make? Damn, this candle's hot the side of your head in front of you, like you're burning it all.
Speaker 1:I'm like damn, this candle's hot the side of your head. You're holding it up in front of you. It's fucking burning. Roll a perception. Check for me too, see if you can see this. Perception 21. You catch this faint, almost purplish energy line almost in front of you, um, it's, it almost seems to dissipate with the air. Um, but you can see it, uh, in front of you, kind of like, kind of waving in the air.
Speaker 7:I remember seeing this the the strings that connect all of us after that incident. It's leading me to them. They're going to follow it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so as you're following this line, it actually goes on for a good distance down the tunnel and then it stops on this wall and it kind of seems to dissipate into the air, as it kind of like goes into the wall.
Speaker 7:I shoulder check the wall.
Speaker 1:Make a. Make a athletics check for me. 13. You bounce off that wall pretty aggressively, but you did, it's not a. It did sound like the wall kind of like shifted a little, almost like there might be a door there or some kind.
Speaker 7:Well, definitely not a walkthrough door. Where do they go, don't you two?
Speaker 5:make a Well, definitely not a walkthrough door. Where do they go, duck?
Speaker 1:You two make a perception check to see if you can hear 24. Yeah, you guys are hearing Shaquille screaming. Are you guys like full speed sprinting, you two?
Speaker 5:I've got a good hoof, good hoof going. You can hear me splish, splashing with my sandals.
Speaker 6:Okay, Sounds like wet man.
Speaker 5:Don't worry, I have socks as well. The one sock I gave you, yeah, the one sock, oh god, um.
Speaker 1:So I gave you the one, god. So, um, shaquille, um, you can hear in the distance like splashing coming towards you at full speed, um, and you bounce into this wall. But it shifted a little bit so you were almost able to, you're able to kind of tell there's something there.
Speaker 5:Dog hit this damn wall? How far?
Speaker 1:away am I? I would say you're about like 30 feet I'm coming so we'll cut to uh donk and uh something, or donk Jesus Christ, vijay J and something. So you guys are being dragged very aggressively through the darkness or Vijay J is neck and in some cases, face in the sludge. That is the sewers Vijay. J roll a athletic check to see if you kind of uh uh roll, uh.
Speaker 1:Athletic check to see if you kind of can finally shake out of this tentacle 11 11, you are still held very firmly, um, you're, you're shifting aggressively, um, uh, and you guys are still being dragged, and then eventually the tentacle actually just ends up releasing you as you guys kind of fall into this kind of like open area. What do you two do? I should say something you are still very much mounted on top of the JJ when you guys are. I thought I was on the tentacle, no, you were, you were on, you were on my jj anybody else does anybody else see?
Speaker 6:this is that like awkward pony ride that kids would do with their parents and everything like. It's just on all floors and something's just sitting there, like. Except the problem was, is the jj?
Speaker 1:was face up sitting there, like, except the problem was, is the JJ was face up?
Speaker 3:so I between us. I just whispered pull out this turd because it was gross. What did you say? Removed a turd between us? I thought it was you at first, but it wasn't brownie buffer, oh no, and I just look into your eyes and wonder what the hell just happened and then I say back do you want some sake?
Speaker 1:okay the whole fucking okay, and then I get off, and I get off and I get up, and then I kind of like I kind of like shake off all the weirdness that's on me, or try to all the chunks.
Speaker 4:And I'm on me, or try to all the chunks.
Speaker 6:And I'm like what, what happened?
Speaker 4:It was a rough ride, what, what? But remember my voice what, what was it?
Speaker 3:Gosh.
Speaker 4:What, what was that? What was that? What was that? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:He's been having this true accident for so long he forgot how to do it.
Speaker 4:What is?
Speaker 6:that thing. Now he's French. Now he's French.
Speaker 5:Sacre bleu. My name is something. Sacre bleu. It's got a song.
Speaker 3:Probably escargot so what is what was it a? Thing?
Speaker 7:Black white, blue and it's got a dog, All right.
Speaker 1:Probably.
Speaker 4:Escargot was there. So what was it, that thing that grabbed us?
Speaker 3:I don't know, but it wanted us to come here for a reason. Can I light? A candle? Or is it still wet and soaked in piss and vomit?
Speaker 1:and shit. Please stop with the descriptions.
Speaker 6:No, no no, it's the theater of the mind.
Speaker 1:I actually should do this. Can everybody make me a wisdom saving throw real quick.
Speaker 4:Totally. I'm doing that right now. Bale, you better not screw this over for me 18.
Speaker 6:19. You bird brain son of a bitch.
Speaker 1:Well, I have bad news for you, Daniel I rolled a 10. No.
Speaker 3:Instead of wisdom, I got two wisdoms Wisdom save- A little square top left.
Speaker 1:Click on the wisdom one. I see it.
Speaker 7:Oh nice Big Yep, oh nice Big money, ooh 20. Damn Money, damn, damn, damn.
Speaker 1:Damn. Um, what did Secundus get? 12? Okay, so, um, that is a fail for Secundus and a fail for something. Adam, come on.
Speaker 4:Roll better man. Not even a dm can save me. That's how bad my just luck is I guess true um well, yeah, I rolled a seven.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry. Hey, that should be good. If you guys actually have a an encounter today, that means that's gonna be my roles. Um, so something, as you kind of like stand up, kind of like shake, shake the filth off, um, you swear, everything kind of starts to swirl around you, kind of in a weird way, and you're running full speed too, right.
Speaker 1:Uh, secundus oh yeah, he's absolutely doing that spooked chicken thing all the way down that, and so as you're running, you swear, the tunnels kind of like shifted ever so slightly and you run into, you kind of run into the wall like you. You were like running straight and then everything kind of shifted a little to the left and you kind of just like veer right into a wall okay, so am I about to hit the wall do?
Speaker 6:Do I need to roll anything?
Speaker 1:No, you just kind of bounce off the wall.
Speaker 6:So, basically.
Speaker 1:So what this is going to cause is next time you and Shaquille something make a perception or investigation, check, you will do that at disadvantage, because your guys' perception is kind of.
Speaker 4:I'm already at disadvantage, man.
Speaker 1:Come on. So neither of you two have dark vision, but something. Do you have a light source of any kind? You know that's a great question, you do have a you do have a yes, I do have a tinderbox. So you can. Oh no, you have a torch, I got a torch, so you can. Just so you do have a torch, do have a, yes, I do have a tinderbox I got it, so you can.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, you have a torch, I got it, you can. Just um, so you have a torch. Then it's pretty dark around you. Do you want to pull it out and light it? Uh, yes, I do. Okay, so shoot yourself. Yeah, so, if you guys, if you guys are taking the time, maybe read through everything. You guys have, just a forewarning.
Speaker 4:I just want to say this real quick, just because, just so it's on record.
Speaker 1:I D&D Beyond isn't working for me, so Bale is doing all my roles for me so I am looking doubly handicapped right at the moment pretty much so they bought your torch light that bitch, and the room kind of illuminates and you seem you and the JJ are standing and it looks like actually from where you guys can't really forgot to mention this no-transcript. And then now you guys are in this kind of opened area and as the can't, as the torch lights up, you seem to almost be in this completely trashed like decrepit, almost cathedral. Hmm, so there's a bunch of completely destroyed wooden pulpits I think is what it is, yeah, whichever ones where you take a seat in a church, thank you. So there's a bunch of just trash pews. There's a bunch of tattered tapestries, papers all over the place tossed over candles, candelabras, all that stuff, as well as this horrific nasty like red ooze that's everywhere, and there's a couple of dead bot.
Speaker 3:Hmm, with the bodies.
Speaker 1:You want to check the bodies. I'm not doing that, I'm not doing that, eric can do that.
Speaker 4:Look at that motherfucking.
Speaker 1:So when in doubt. Suspect the dead.
Speaker 1:So, um, the JJ Mac an investigation check for me, 13. So when you walk up and you're checking these dead bodies, so they, I will say they are in these robes. They're pretty tattered up now but they're in this kind of, um, uh, blackish red robes, um, and they have, and they have the. There was clearly insignias on there, but they're pretty torn up.
Speaker 1:You can't really kind of discern them from, uh, the rough and tear as well as the kind of weird ooze that's kind of all covering their bodies, uh, but you can see the, the. The skin of these bodies seems to be still preserved, or possibly fresh, um, but their like eyes are wide open, this look of absolute terror and it looks like they just died in terror for a second, um, and kind of like. Looking through the body, um, you don't, you don't really find anything of really any importance on them. Um, there looked to be a like a, a belt that where, like, possibly a dagger would have been uh put onto it, but there doesn't seem to be any weapons on the body I'll still use the robes to clean my face and everything else that's been yeah, you can tear away the.
Speaker 1:You can tear away the robes and wipe yourself down. What are you doing?
Speaker 4:something. So with my torch I will kind of wander around, but not too far from uh, mr vajayjay. Uh, just to kind of like survey the area, see what's uh around. I see the pews.
Speaker 1:It's like a cathedral, but I just kind of see what else if there's like an entrance of some sort yep, so, um, so um, while you're walking around, what you do see is there's just a but um, clearly, like this was haphazardly built, it was just.
Speaker 1:It wasn't, like, you know, expert Masons made this or something like that. There's, um a bunch of crumbling walls um, revealing the actual like sewer wall lining, so it seems like somebody like, uh, for extra protection, they built like secondary walls around the the location to build their own little structure inside this massive like opening in the sewers, um, and in the center there is a makeshift altar, um, and the surface has a bunch of cryptic sigils that are kind of worn away and marred at. But uh, there's also a couple of dusty, uh, battered, kind of uh like library shelvings and with some books that scattered about. You guys are noticing like the air here feels heavier, like it seems much more oppressive, darker, and also at the center, where there is that altar, there seems to be the largest quantity of this ooze. All right, huh, no, bad, bad.
Speaker 4:I guess I kind of get close to the center and kind of like use my flames next to the ooze see if it does anything.
Speaker 1:Um, that's actually a good little idea.
Speaker 4:Weirdo.
Speaker 7:He's holding out on the gay joke.
Speaker 1:So what you do notice is when the when the flame kind of approaches the ooze, it does seem to react to it. At first it almost seems to kind of back away, but then it just seems to um ease out and it starts to steam aggressively to the point where it looks like it's gonna snuff out the flame. You back the back, the torch up.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1:Okay, make a investigation. Check for me.
Speaker 4:All right, yeah, totally doing that right now.
Speaker 1:Oh right, yeah, I'm doing that. Oh man, Please bail, it's at disadvantage and you have minus one.
Speaker 5:Bro, what that too is disadvantage.
Speaker 4:I am not winning this game. This is just not good for me.
Speaker 1:There doesn't seem to be anything particular you can discern from this ooze and this kind of altar. What are you doing, Vajayjay, now that you've kind of cleaned yourself off with that dead body's robes?
Speaker 3:Did I see the encounter with the ooze and Dayon's flame, or what? Nothing wrong with the flame?
Speaker 1:I would say you would have heard it and you looked over and saw it. Yeah, because it was an audible like sizzling sound of like steam being produced. So you definitely saw that when you looked over, when you were cleaning yourself off.
Speaker 3:Can I pull out the blade of Frostbeard and strike at the ooze to freeze it To prevent it from further causing harm?
Speaker 1:You definitely can. You don't even have to make an attack. So you just smack your blade into the ooze and you hear his voice go like. Now you're thinking with your head and you do notice. The ooze definitely has a very bad aversion to the cold. It freezes almost instantly Something wrong cold.
Speaker 3:It freezes almost instantly Something wrong. I need that shot of sake now. I whip it out.
Speaker 4:I'm like yes, and then I unscrew that cap. I'm like open your mouth, Open your mouth.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh god, not again Make a constitution Save you bro for drinking that sake.
Speaker 3:I didn't shake it, though I didn't shake it.
Speaker 1:Well, you pulled it out quickly. Would that not have jostled it?
Speaker 4:Obviously I know the effects, so I unscrew it. But I squeeze With gentleness but urgency.
Speaker 1:Is this like the Assassin's Cup, where, depending on where you hold your thumb on?
Speaker 7:the specific thing, rolled a 22.
Speaker 1:He would have been shitting his pants anyways.
Speaker 3:Wouldn't matter. Well, that's what's going to help prevent the ooze from spreading.
Speaker 1:So you guys, so you two, know that clearly, like the thing doesn't seem to have like any effect towards fire. If anything it seems to want to like, it's going to snuff it out. If fire gets touched by it, however, it clearly gets affected by water, or water Water Cold. So you two are standing at the altar. Do you guys do anything else?
Speaker 4:Do I notice that it's affected by the cold?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it just instantly freezes on contact with the sword.
Speaker 4:I just mentioned to Mr Vijay. Hey why don't you stab the ooze with your sword? It does frost damage. No.
Speaker 3:I just did. I cut a piece off, I threw it to you.
Speaker 1:I will say, though, now that the ooze doesn't seem to be wanting to try and mess with your fire, can you both make me an investigation? Check again, now that you're kind of getting a better look at it, I will roll for you something, not a disadvantage oh, thank goodness got a fucking eight. Nah, listen. Investigation of intelligence. You, you don't have good intelligence oh hey, jay, jay's got an eight.
Speaker 1:Um, so, yeah, you don't notice like too much craziness. Um, um, all you can like really ascertain is just like looking at these symbols that are kind of carved into the the altar. You don't really see anything else. You don't see um anything on the ooze, in the ooze or anything surrounding you guys, but you guys clearly see these symbols. Can you roll a history check for me? Also, negative for you Something.
Speaker 3:Do I need a history check?
Speaker 1:Actually yeah, and you can roll the history check at advantage. There's no reason why Must?
Speaker 7:be nice, how do I roll it at advantage?
Speaker 1:so you'll just roll it twice and then we'll just take the biggest roll.
Speaker 4:Goal is under 10 baby, this whole game dope what'd you roll? Eric 10 10 at advantage right yeah, I gotta do it again yes, that was 10. At advantage, right oh. I got that one.
Speaker 1:Yes, 13. That was your advantage, buckaroo.
Speaker 3:Oh, I thought it was.
Speaker 1:No, not double advantage, just one advantage, all the advantage. So you don't really know what it is either of you two, but you can definitely like the jj. You can definitely notice um from what it. You don't know what it says, you don't know the meaning behind it, but you know it is um primordial, um carvings regarding that ooze that I froze, can I keep it?
Speaker 1:if you want to break a piece off, yeah, yep all right, so you can just break a piece off and you'll just stow a piece of the uh frozen ooze in your pocket but I gave it to daniel or to something he wants that he can keep in his purse hey, it's a man bag okay you didn't know, you had even a purse it is not a purse.
Speaker 3:That's where you keep your sake. I already threw it to you, so you have a piece now. It is a satchel. Keep it.
Speaker 4:I do mention to Eric to stab the Uzo.
Speaker 1:Let's see what happens Does he do that or no? I mean, he already did.
Speaker 4:Well, he cut a piece off, though, but I'm saying like, stab it into like, because is it like a flowing ooze or is it just like ooze? No, there was just ooze on there. Oh, okay, I thought it was like flowing ooze, Okay.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. And then last thing we'll do is a perception check for both of you. Oh fudge.
Speaker 3:All right Perception.
Speaker 1:Don't worry, it's all on you. It's all on you. Oh hey, this is what you actually are good at 20. I got a 20? Yeah, got a 20. Hi there, 17 plus 3. We got a nat 20. Oh my gosh, we got a nat 20.
Speaker 8:I'll give it to.
Speaker 1:Eric.
Speaker 4:Oh, it was.
Speaker 1:You definitely can notice that, as you guys have kind of like looked around in the center and piecing stuff together, you notice that whatever occurred here started at the altar. First and foremost, this is the most pooling of ooze that was here. The body seemed to kind of when they fell, they fell backwards from the altar. When they fell, they fell backwards from the altar. But you guys do also notice that there is on one of the bookshelves that fell over, there is a body that is covered or that is buried underneath the bookshelf. Loot it. Well, you gotta get the body out from under the bookshelf.
Speaker 3:Then I'll move the body out of the bookshelf and then make a athletic check for me can I help them?
Speaker 1:uh, you definitely can. That'll give you. That'll just give advantage to the role again. Uh, jakeel, or jakeel, the jj jesus names are hard. So what was that? Second role, eric?
Speaker 3:19 19.
Speaker 1:19. Yeah, you're heaving and the bookshelf was already moving up pretty good. But then something came in and just helped you and you both just tossed the bookshelf to the side and get the body out. Both of you make an investigation check to look over the body. Oh boy.
Speaker 1:Hey, hey, hey, hey, 19 minus one, that's an 18 for you, big boy, um so, um, as you guys are looking over this body, this one is not as like decrepitly like destroyed, um, and it does not seem to have this uh look of horror like the other bodies had on their face. This one just clearly looks like he tried to back away. The bookshelf fell on him, squashed him and killed him. He was just killed from blunt force trauma.
Speaker 6:He got bruised and tumbled.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the other two were killed in some other fashion and as you guys are looting the, the body, you do catch. Um that there was a diary stashed into his robe, um I can't raise something.
Speaker 3:Take this, I am not the person that you want, well, well luckily.
Speaker 1:Luckily for both of you.
Speaker 3:It's written in common so, thank you, you don't have to do anything. I still don't know what common is. I still had it today, or?
Speaker 6:I mean you do but these warnings won't stop me because I can't read.
Speaker 1:I can't read do you uh open up the diary and read it.
Speaker 4:Uh something I, uh, I do a little like get that poop off my eyes and then let me look at it here, and then I read it.
Speaker 1:So when you're opening, a lot of the pages are kind of just gibberish, nonsensical, just like we're meeting tonight, we're doing this and stuff like that, like nothing, nothing to like of note, to like of note. But then, as you're reading through some of these pages, one page has this phrase that kind of like piques your interest, and it says the merging of a tortured mind with the elemental depth. So, and from that point on, that seems to be where the most interest of whatever's gone on is coming up. As you're scrolling through more pages, you see some pages one that says we were fools, but the sacrifice was inevitable, and it shows the, this image of this ooze creature that is siphoning some kind of energy from a person, and it's written underneath the ooblex that we discovered. And on the second page it says we can manipulate it, make it ours, we can make it our own weapon.
Speaker 1:And on the second page it shows a bunch of arcane scripts and runes that you can't read, um, and it shows an elemental that's made of water popped out of it. And on the next page it says um, we will, we will, uh, merge the two. We will sacrifice one of our own to bring forth this unholy creation, um. And then the last one says um, tonight is the night we will create the abomination. So I read any pictures yeah, there was the.
Speaker 1:I mean there's not nudie pictures, if that's what you're looking for, uh, but there are images. There was two images written or sketched on, of this ooze that was siphoning energy from somebody in a water element.
Speaker 4:So I relay that all to Eric, obviously, and then I say I think that this is a cult of poop worshipers Poop and pee. No, look at that image.
Speaker 1:They worship some sort of Ooze sucks off guys and actually, while this, is still happening can you two make a perception check at disadvantage? Yeah, totally.
Speaker 3:Can I eat the ooze that I gave the Dale?
Speaker 1:What the fudge, daniel, you rolled. That's gross, but you totally can if you want to.
Speaker 3:It obviously gives the ooze power right. So if we eat the ooze, does it give us power?
Speaker 1:You got to do one more reception, so something. You rolled a seven, that's good. The JJ rolled 60.
Speaker 3:No, that's just one.
Speaker 1:A roll again the jj, uh perception, you said it's that yeah uh, so 16 was your low one, so that is what we're taking. So I mean, you can totally try and see what happens. Totally up to you.
Speaker 3:Well, according to the picture, the ooze sucks off these people. It gives them the power. So if we suck off the ooze, that gives us the power, we're not doing praising anymore.
Speaker 4:I think you were looking in between the lines here I don't think that is a great idea. This ooze, that's exactly how I would expect JJ to think their lines here. I don't think that is a great idea.
Speaker 7:This is exactly how I would expect JJ to think. I'm trying to reason with him.
Speaker 4:I don't think that is a good idea or what they're trying to imply.
Speaker 1:I already had your sake.
Speaker 3:So what worse can happen? I'll just poop it out.
Speaker 4:I mean that is a true statement, but as you can see here, they obviously ritualized a poop monster, and I don't think eating of the poop monster would be good for you.
Speaker 3:I too will ritualize the poop monster once I poop it out, but right now it might give us power go ahead and do it.
Speaker 4:I'll stand here watch you.
Speaker 1:I was waiting for you guys to have this little conversation.
Speaker 1:I let him chase it with my sake as you guys have had that conversation and that's why I had you guys roll it at disadvantage, because you guys are investigating and reading your guys' perceptions aren't at its heightened level. But you, mr Vajayjay, did hear the sound of this goop sloshing behind you guys and as you heard it and you started focusing on it, you did notice it was not only coming from behind you guys, but coming from multiple directions pull out the blade of frostbeard again so you pull out your weapon?
Speaker 1:um, do you say anything to something or do you just pull it out?
Speaker 3:badonk. Is that you? What do you do?
Speaker 1:to that reaction. Something Is that you. What do you do to that reaction? Something.
Speaker 4:I was in, like I just turned around.
Speaker 1:I'm like what are you talking about? So okay. So with that case, the more tendrils lash out at you guys reaching out to you because you got that perception check um the jj, and you were prepped. You get to make this, these roles at advantage um, but you will just make it at a normal role, something, uh, will have a dexterity saving throw. So in that little saving throw box, the JJ, I have a plus 5.
Speaker 4:Must be nice, enjoy those.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, that's you something. You got a 23. Alright, no, okay, you can roll one more time because you got advantage on it, because you were prepped. You were prepped for this, so you're, you're kind of prepped to get away from it. I don't see it. Hey, yeah, that's an 18. So, um, with that, we need to find a way to get these like rolls on the stream, because then that just makes a lot easier. Um, so, with the 18, um and the, you both, so something you're like what's going on? And then you see two tendrils lash out at you and describe how you dodge these tendrils.
Speaker 4:I dodge it like a matrix, I just do that.
Speaker 6:Bullet time.
Speaker 1:This is bullet time. Yeah, oh. So the JJ as you're dod dodging it. You notice that these tendrils are moving extremely fast, but something is very slowly dodging this, like he's like in slow-mo, but hey, it seems to be working. Weirdly enough. I think the the tendrils were expecting you to move quickly. Uh, how do you dodge these? Um, or how do you? Because your sword was drawn, we can say that you moved fast enough if you wanted to strike at the tendrils. Uh, what do you do?
Speaker 3:uh, but jj, to get, get, not get grabbed by them rubbing the ooze on me would not work, so I just stand there that the last minute art of distraction and then I do a little side shuffle, so I'd like both nice, yeah, so you just kind of made it look very easy.
Speaker 1:and then you have something over there just slow-mo dodging it, and he just seems to be avoiding all of the tendrils coming for him.
Speaker 4:In reality they totally missed me. I'm just like doing it to nothing.
Speaker 6:You're being a weirdo.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you guys are doing that so clearly. Whatever is in here is trying to get you. What do you guys do? You have kind of a quick reaction time, so you need 10 seconds, so one two, three, four, five there is a very musky door at the back end of the cathedral.
Speaker 4:Okay, so that's what I would do Run to the door, Okay so you guys start running to the door.
Speaker 1:I say to JJ follow me because I noticed that, so you guys go up to this door and you guys are pushing on it. It's not opening and you can hear them right behind you.
Speaker 4:It's a pull. It's a pull, I'm sorry, a pull instead of pushing.
Speaker 1:Nothing happens. It's clearly locked.
Speaker 3:Can I use my blade of frost beer to cut the door?
Speaker 1:handle off. You totally can Make an athletics check.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Athletics To see if you smack the handle hard enough with a weapon.
Speaker 3:Do I get an?
Speaker 1:advantage. No, I would say that when you were taking the swing you hit the metal and clearly the metal is not old and decrepit and rusted yet, so it does kind of oh, but I froze it though, with the blade of frostbeard right it's cold and it's also extremely cold to the touch. I punch it um. If you can make an athletics check as well, uh, something that is I punch where that frozen part is, though.
Speaker 1:So that is 16. So yeah, the JJ from the, you definitely kind of started freezing that handle and with something punching it it shatters the handle and the door still won't open. What the tendrils are about to grab you guys again Both of you make a dexterity.
Speaker 4:What about that?
Speaker 3:little thingy here. Can I yell out badonkadonk again?
Speaker 4:Badonkadonk.
Speaker 1:You guys make a dexterity saving, throw again Boof.
Speaker 8:You were about to roll a 19.
Speaker 1:Then it smacked on the side of my screen and you got a 6 plus 5. You were about to roll a 19 or a 16, and then it smacked on the side of my screen and you got a 6 plus 5. So you got an 11. Oh fuck, both of you failed. Get ready for another ride. Can I rub the door?
Speaker 4:with a little ooze Frozen ooze I get.
Speaker 1:You can and nothing happens.
Speaker 3:I ain't got time for this Stop banging banging the door, stop banging the door so the ooze wraps around both of you.
Speaker 1:So both of you make a strength or not strength saving throw. Yeah, I know, make a athletics check to see if you can break free of it before it full, maybe we can lube ourselves.
Speaker 4:It's frozen I wasn't trying to lube the door.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to look. You got a 13-something that, unfortunately, is one under the pass.
Speaker 4:As usual.
Speaker 3:But I win, though I get out 23.
Speaker 1:Oh, you very much like it wraps and you just fucking flex your shit. The the tendrils just fall off of you, uh, but something gets yoinked back and is about to start getting dragged again. Gosh dang it.
Speaker 3:Use the loo is that all you say. You watch your. I start running, okay.
Speaker 1:So you start running at him. I'll say you do, catch him, let's make an opposed athletics check to see if you can break him free.
Speaker 3:There we go. Third one of the night, nat 20?
Speaker 1:Never mind. Oh well, I can roll. Unless I get a nat 20th, I'm gonna lose. I gotta two. Oh my bad, um so, um. So yeah, you're able to actually rip something out of the tendrils, um. So you rip them out and the tendrils have kind of receded, but something from the torch light, I'll say. The torch fell, so if you want to pick it up, you can pick up the torch again. From the torch light you can see the tendrils are like not receding and going away. They are like sitting back watching you guys.
Speaker 1:I think, we will, we will cut back to the others. So, donk, I'll say you've caught up to Donk, and Secundus, you have both caught up to Shaquille, and Shaquille is just looking at this wall and I'm like ladies first, as I just point into this wall, oh yeah, yeah, it's a wall, crush it, crush it.
Speaker 5:You want me to hang on? I can hardly see in this place. Let me grab. I'm holding a candle. I'm holding a candle. Oh, you're holding a candle.
Speaker 7:I can see, see in this place, let me grab, I'm holding a candle.
Speaker 5:I'm holding a candle. Oh, you're holding a candle, I can see just fine. So you want me to? What do you want me to do? You only just push on this. So I kind of just lightly push to see, I kind of try to feel the weight of the wall.
Speaker 6:It's like back at it a little bit yeah.
Speaker 1:Nothing quite happens. Well, I just ruined it.
Speaker 7:I wanted you to crush this wall, but now I have to, I guess, find another way into what I thought was a door here.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll say you were looking at the store. Make a investigation, check at advantage for me, shaquille, okay 18.
Speaker 7:That's good enough, right, that's plenty.
Speaker 1:That's extra plenty, that's extra plenty. So while you were looking at this wall, I'll say you were kind of like feeling around. You've had a history of hidden latches and things like that and your history of that's like, I should probably feel, see if there's like some actuation to activate this door, and as you're feeling, you did also notice that the purple, that purple like ethereal line, kind of appeared again and guided your hand and then your hand places onto the wall and you press into the latch and the door move, starts opening up, told you there was a door.
Speaker 6:Well OK.
Speaker 8:What is it as?
Speaker 7:I just walk in, ok.
Speaker 5:All right then. What an interesting place.
Speaker 6:As we're walking through this door again, I wrote perception to see if there's any more of those willow woods that we're supposed to be looking for.
Speaker 1:Not in this area. There's nothing that you ran through that had any of the whisper willows. Okay, your thief's instincts flares, your eyes catches the faint glint of the difference in the wall. Oh, actually, at this point, everybody make a wisdom, save for me.
Speaker 6:Oh boy.
Speaker 7:Big money, big money. Oh fuck, no way. Six, twenty-four baby.
Speaker 5:Thirteen.
Speaker 1:That is two failures for you, secundus. So that is every perception, investigation, check. All two of them will be at disadvantage. Uh, something out of ten. So your next one will be the pass is a 15, nice. So, um, shaquille failed. So same thing, something failed. So same thing as well. The jajayjay. Can you roll me a wisdom saving? Throw Nice 16. Just passed. So, yeah, you passed. So I'll say this Same thing happens against something.
Speaker 1:You feel like the room around you is moving, like the walls seem to be shifting and everything like that. And, secundusus, but this is my first time noticing that oh sorry, I meant to say something, something the room was shifting, uh, again, uh, secundus, same thing. The walls kind of just seem to shift very aggressively in your purview, um, and then feel this is happening to you for the first time as you're walking through, the walls shift and you just walk into the wall again and you're like fuck. So to donk, because, secundus, you're mentally getting fucked with. Donk is the only one that noticed this. You notice kind of like Secundus is kind of like wobbling a little bit, and you watch this, you okay there, and you watch as Shaquille just walks into the door when he said he was gonna walk through the or walks into the wall. As he said, he was gonna walk into the door.
Speaker 5:You guys been drinking without me again. What's going on.
Speaker 7:Something hugging. All the sake, bro, I've been dry. I think it's the shit. But the door just shifted, we're getting high on that shit Getting high on the shit you might be high on the shit.
Speaker 1:Actually, I should say this too, because you're the one that's trying to go through the wall. Make your perception. Check with disadvantage.
Speaker 7:Shield, yeah tracking, Okay dirty 20. And a fucking 10.
Speaker 1:Uh, you don't see anything as you're trying to walk through Um as so.
Speaker 7:Okay, back to plan B, Donk kicked out this door.
Speaker 1:No, no, the door's open. The door's open. You were walking through it. Um, is anybody?
Speaker 5:directly. Is anybody going to be? I thought it disappeared. My bad, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Does anybody stand directly behind Shaquille as he's walking through the door?
Speaker 6:Oh, Secundus definitely is going to.
Speaker 1:Okay. So, unfortunately for you, Secundus, as Shaquille is walking through, he walks and he feels a wire across his ankle and you hear a snap and, secundus, you feel this extremely heavy sprain, spiked mace smack you in the back of the, the in the back, um. So you are going to take some. No, yikes oh boy time for me to do my job here, let's see, I almost rolled a 20 and I'm like I am not going to draw 20, brother, let's just help.
Speaker 6:You know what this guy just started. We hate him. Let's just get him out of the podcast, uh that is a six, so you take six damn but did you die. No, but he is like because with the six I'm assuming, like it barely like clipped a wing or a thigh or something it was so.
Speaker 1:It was a spiked mace that was like loaded for the tripwire to cave in somebody's skull, but it was coming from the back so somebody wouldn't see it coming at their face.
Speaker 6:Okay.
Speaker 1:How do you? Again oh my god everything.
Speaker 3:It was good too.
Speaker 1:It looked so good, I could see your face. It was like, yeah, something happened.
Speaker 6:As soon as it hits him, he's like what?
Speaker 5:Muffling makes it even better.
Speaker 1:So, Doc, you see Secundus get smacked with a bald mace and shaquille.
Speaker 5:You hear secundus just freak out behind you that was a trap there hey oh geez, oh geez, come here, here, let me take a look at that. I'm gonna. I'm gonna cure wounds here, or no, sorry, not cure wounds, I'm gonna. I'm gonna cure wounds here, or no, sorry, not cure wounds, I'm gonna.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna hit you with some of that healing word uh, I'm gonna ask do you want to do healing words? The reason I ask is healing words heals more or heals less than cure wounds, and I believe both are still a level one spell slot right, true, actually?
Speaker 5:yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1:For some reason I thought, yeah, I'll use Cure Wounds. Healing Word is good because it's a distance, but Cure Wounds is touch this one is touch.
Speaker 7:I see, yeah, so since he's right next to you.
Speaker 1:You might as well just do the bigger heal.
Speaker 3:Something wrong. Has some ice if he needs it.
Speaker 5:Come here, big guy, let me just give you a little touch.
Speaker 1:Alright, roll that heal. How much are you healing him for?
Speaker 8:I don't know.
Speaker 5:Here we go. This is cast cure, rune spell and spell, slot level one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just hit the cast button. I think what it ended up doing was pulling the spell slot. So roll the 1d8 plus 5. Fuck plus 5? God damn. Yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker 5:Oh yeah, you just get all the heals.
Speaker 7:There you go.
Speaker 1:I'm back. As Donk's glowing hand touches, what do you tell him? Do you just touch the spot that hurt or that got damaged?
Speaker 5:It's kind of a random. I assume he's a little tender right on the mace hole. No worries On the mace hole.
Speaker 1:As that happens, yeah so, segundus, you feel like your skin restitching itself and the nerve endings reconnecting from the damage, and you guys hear the sinew and flesh rejoining itself. So you get kind of crunchy Crunchiness.
Speaker 7:I'm not crispy.
Speaker 1:I think healing should hurt Because if you really think about it, wounds instantly. Closing has got to be painful.
Speaker 5:You're going to feel some pressure. That's what they always say.
Speaker 1:You activated that trip wire and I lost my place. Just so I'm tracking.
Speaker 4:Did me and Eric regroup with the group? Are we together? No, no, you guys are still together. No, you guys are not yet I cut back to the others just so we're not so I think I'll bounce back and forth between you guys.
Speaker 7:Okay, I I had not planned for you guys to succeed as I walk through the, as I walk through the door, obviously I have dark vision. Can I? Can I look to see what kind of room it is?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, that's what I was getting to um. So as you're walking in, clearly this is a little hideout for somebody for some reason. So as you stumble into the concealed little room, um, you notice a? Um broken dad. So there's some tables um a little bookshelf with some like food supplies and stuff, stuff like that. Um a little. It's a small, it's maybe, uh, a six by ten room. Um and um, at the far end of the room you do notice a little hatch underneath um, so on the table there is a broken dagger, um some uh worn up clothing, um some little blood smear on um some of the clothes, and um, there's also just a bunch of like scattered paperwork and ink, um some ink wells, as well as some pens. Any candles yeah, no, there's plenty of candles lined on the wall. There's actually a torch even on the far end of the wall. You can pick up if you want.
Speaker 7:Yeah, I'm going to grab like six candles to replenish my inventory and I also will pick up the Well there's three, I would say there's probably three.
Speaker 1:Let's just go with three, two, yeah, six would be excessive. There you go.
Speaker 7:And then there's a torch. Alright, I'll grab the torch as well, and then can I investigate what kind of bagger that is. Like the broken if it's of any worth.
Speaker 1:You totally can Roll a investigation check for me 19 19.
Speaker 1:So you take the dagger um, it's, it's a pretty standard dagger. There's nothing crazy about it. Um, possibly, possibly, if it had anything special on it, it might have been due to the dagger being broken, like, essentially, looking at it, the handles kind of scuffed up a little and like the blade is like broken in half, so the upper half of it's missing. The little bit of the blade, though, that you can see, however, has a bunch of carvings in it. Do you speak dragon or draconic?
Speaker 7:and do history check on that?
Speaker 1:um no, you should have under features and traits. I should tell you what oh, shoot okay thank you uh I think or no? Oh no, sorry, bottom left corner languages you do not common sign language? Yeah, you speak common, common sign language. Yeah, you speak common common sign language, elvish Thieves, can't? You don't know what it says or the little bit that you can see, but you definitely know. It's like hmm, this is draconic. Whoever had this knife had some kind of draconic.
Speaker 7:I pick it up and I show it to Donk. I'm like do you know anything of this? Is this valuable?
Speaker 1:Oh, Secundus, you didn't select any languages.
Speaker 7:Oh.
Speaker 1:I just wanted to. Secundus, I show it, I guess, guess to both of you guys well, okay, so, and again I'm going to reiterate the yeah, I can actually sound way better.
Speaker 1:I swapped to the good mic that's great so, again, just a reiteration of the world again. So you guys are in the 40, right, whatever? Again just a reiteration of the world again. So you guys are in, um, the cordia, right? Whatever. If I misspoke, I'll correct that later. Um, but the enemies to your guy or your home, where you guys are at, is the draconic sovereignty. So basically it's entirely. It's a massive empire that is ruled by six dragon sovereigns.
Speaker 6:Oh, you said I didn't pick any languages?
Speaker 1:I don't see any languages, it just says none.
Speaker 6:Okay, well, there's some picture going. Hold on, let me fix that.
Speaker 7:And obviously I say to the group like well, I thought the guys would be here, but clearly not. Maybe through that hatch, but is this worth anything?
Speaker 5:I'm looking at it and I don't recognize the language. I'm thinking it's like do I know it and I just forgot, or did I never know it?
Speaker 6:so where my brain's at is. Secundus obviously grew up in this area. Yeah, I'm wondering like would Secundus? He's your bard, so bards usually yeah, so obviously I would in this area yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm wondering like would Secundus? You're a bard, so bards usually have yeah, so obviously. I would have like.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I absolutely would have like in dreams of playing at the palace and at these events, you know, yeah, so I would reasonably believe Secundus would absolutely know Jerkonic.
Speaker 1:Where the fuck did my, my fucking page just like got all dicked?
Speaker 7:Undick it there. It is Okay, jesus Christ, what the?
Speaker 6:fuck, de-cock it.
Speaker 1:Um, um, there we go, um so, yeah. So, um, yeah, there's really nothing else of note. Um, there we go, um so, yeah. So, um, yeah, there's really nothing else of note, unless you want to uh look over any of like the the pages to see if there's anything important, or look at the torn up clothes I absolutely want to, because you said am I in the?
Speaker 6:we're all in the same area now right, yeah, you guys.
Speaker 1:So you, so there's three of you. Uh, donk shaquilleundus, so you guys are in this little alcove and again, it's a small room, so it could be a little cramped if all three of you were in there, but you guys can still all fit, but it's like a six by ten room.
Speaker 6:Okay, does it also look like religious, kind of like?
Speaker 1:Make a religion check.
Speaker 6:Oh yeah, when make a religion check?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, uh, where are you Not shabby? 16. 16? Yeah, there is absolutely, as far as you can tell, no like religious iconography anywhere. So, whatever this is, it's not something like religion-based. So it's um, um, yeah, there's no, there's no iconography. There's nothing in any symbols, on the symbols on any of the clothes paper. If Shaquille showed you the dagger, there isn't anything religious text related involving that. Where Shaquille you said you showed Secundus the dagger or no.
Speaker 7:No, I just showed it to the group, to both of them.
Speaker 4:If neither of them know what it is.
Speaker 7:I, I just showed it to the group, to both of them. If neither of them know what it is, I'll just put it in my bag, just to.
Speaker 1:I would say, secundus, looking at it, the portion of the inscription that you can just see is, and then it cuts out, because that's where it broke.
Speaker 6:My let.
Speaker 1:It's like, like my, translated to common, it'd be like my L-A Okay.
Speaker 7:And that's the only piece of the dagger right Coming to Perception of Safe Foods.
Speaker 1:No, there was no. You didn't see any other of the yeah.
Speaker 7:Okay, then I kind of point towards just putting that, I guess, in the bag. Do you tell me what it says?
Speaker 6:Yeah, I do, I'm obviously.
Speaker 7:My lap, my lap. Well, we'll hang on to this, maybe somebody knows something about it. And then I try to guide the group into that opening little hatch that's in the back of the room.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you totally can, darn.
Speaker 6:This is going to go last through the hatch now.
Speaker 5:Okay, no worries, let's look for traps this time.
Speaker 1:If you guys want to make a perception, check everybody.
Speaker 7:Am I still on the disadvantage?
Speaker 1:Nope, that's just a one time thing.
Speaker 5:I'm sure it's fine, actually, let's just go.
Speaker 1:So Gundus is at disadvantage? Yep, yeah, 11. 6, 16, 11. Shaquille, looking around, there's nothing. Yeah, you donk, you're just kind of like, eh looks fine. So, gundus, you don't really catch anything with your eye, but something you're able to look around and be like, yeah, there's no other traps. You're assuming that trap that was outside was designed to kill the person that walked in?
Speaker 7:Well, let's see where this hatch goes.
Speaker 1:So yeah, you guys open up the hatch, um, and it just leads down to a seems to be like an escape hatch, in case the whoever was here needed to get out. Um, I would say actually um, make a, make an insight, check for me, uh, deal 17.
Speaker 1:so you would you would from that check you would, you would have this like insightful knowledge to be like, hey, I kind of know what this would have been for. This is just like a little hidey spot for, like you know, like, like, if a thief got caught, he in his like region right, he would have. Or they would set up a, a couple of little points of uh, egress to escape from the law, or something like that. And of course, this hatch would indicate this is their escape route out of their little hidey hole so they don't get caught. Now you don't see anything involving your guild, so you can't assume that this is one of your people's little hideouts. But that is what this purpose, this is for.
Speaker 1:Somebody is here, you can also say from the writing in the inkwell, this is also where they went to to be away from prying eyes, to write notices and stuff like that. So that's kind of what you can get from this room. And don't forget and again I'm going to just reiterate because you guys probably all forgot your guys' three tasks are find out whatever is causing people's disappearances. You guys are on the process of getting well, both of that too, but also getting information on whatever the hell infected the four of you and you just got to pick up the Whisper Willows just for the guy. So he four of you and you just got to pick up the whisper willows just for the guy, so you can. You know, just just as like payments for him helping you and also investigating the assassination and the assassin themselves, cause they were again. They use divination magic to kind of track and find out hey, this person is somewhere in the city.
Speaker 6:Let me be a bad time to say I heard something spooky in the stewards back there. Huh.
Speaker 5:Oh, is that what you were talking about back then?
Speaker 6:Yeah, it sounded like a big bag of fuck that.
Speaker 5:Oh yeah, well, I'm glad we came this way. Did we close the door behind us actually?
Speaker 1:Nope, no, the door's still open. There's a little lever, though.
Speaker 6:I was a little worried about the spikes through my leg.
Speaker 7:I thought my JJ and something wrong would be here, but clearly I was mistaken.
Speaker 5:Well, maybe we should leave the door open for them, in case they're somewhere else.
Speaker 1:I will say though Shaquille, make another arcane check for me. Arcana check, sorry 22. So that burning sensation is back and you see the ethereal line seeming to whatever this is is guiding you for some purpose, and you can see the line taking through the hatch. And when you guys opened the hatch it just was a ladder down Kind of into the darkness. But you you can, because with your dark vision you're able to see.
Speaker 6:It goes down a good distance down can I use perception to see that I'm just like pick up that she kills seeing something weird um obviously I'm not let's see if you can can roll an arcana check because whatever it is Obviously. I have no idea of their affliction and everything, and I'm not.
Speaker 1:Donk isn't seeing this either. I'll state this Okay 14?. I would say you're able to discern. There's some weird magic shit coming off of the both of them and right now it seems to be really kind of emanating from Shaquille.
Speaker 6:Yeah so, and right now it seems to be really kind of emanating from Shaquille. Yeah so, out of the corner of my eye, I don't know if you see that bird head turn kind of thing. You just like Something weird going on there.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you see this. Something fucking wrong with you, buddy.
Speaker 5:Yeah, what are you talking about? What do you mean? Yeah, what's going wrong with you, buddy? Yeah, what are you talking about?
Speaker 7:What do you mean? Yeah, what's going on? Yeah, yeah, doc, you remember when we got slapped and ported out and then we were attached by like some magical strings to each other. Yeah, oh, yeah, I remember. Well, I'm seeing the string going through the tunnels and I'm wondering if it's leading me towards Vajayjay and something.
Speaker 6:Are you guys arcane polycule puppets Like the what?
Speaker 7:Something like that.
Speaker 5:You know that might not be a bad hypothesis.
Speaker 1:What let's uh let's give it a go. It's saying we go this way. Hey donk, I'm the hash. I completely forgot about this. You feel that little stone vibrating in your bag and you hear this. I beg, that's a stomach you feel a little stone in the bag kind of vibrating and you hear this unsettling hushed whisper in the back of your mind saying oh, I don't know if that's caught. No, he's not far off.
Speaker 8:Say it again oh, he's not far off.
Speaker 5:Can you just say it normally?
Speaker 1:Oh, he's not that far off, uh. And then, uh, the voice teeters out even further, saying little puppet, little puppet. But only you, only you hear that what'd you just say?
Speaker 5:uh, nothing, it's just nagging thoughts that I've been having lately. It's just nagging thoughts that I've been having lately. It's no big deal, but we should follow Shaquille.
Speaker 6:I'm gonna follow both of you guys. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna follow you guys.
Speaker 1:I don't like walking in first now alright, so Shaquille, go ahead, lead the way as you've got flattened down the the ladder so you guys areiding down the ladder, so you guys are going down the ladder, so we're gonna cut back to the other two fuckheads. And because we're back to it and we're cut again, everybody roll me a wisdom saving throw. And of course, oh snap, here we go.
Speaker 6:I wasn't gonna be gone long, I rolled this first you said wisdom saving, yep, wisdom save 26, baby Bird brain, little bastard.
Speaker 1:Oh right, I need to roll for something. Yeah, I was like hey, you got a 21.
Speaker 5:Hey.
Speaker 1:Oh, the only person that lost was Secundus.
Speaker 6:Oh no this might be the that's your third fail, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:So Secundus, you, um, um, as you were going down the uh ladder, you hear, um, the phantom whisper of your hatchmate in the distance. Again, since you're last in the lineup, I'm going to say those two are going down the ladder. And right where you were about to start going down, you hear the voice and you're compelled to run out again. And you run out and start trying to investigate.
Speaker 6:Which way is the voice coming from? Like the direction we're going.
Speaker 1:You don't know actually, where it came from. It just came from behind you. So you turn around and try to find it, but it just kind of seems to reverberate throughout the entire location.
Speaker 6:Like before what, what so Kondas, after? So basically the last time he just followed the boys like knows, I feel like he kind of knows something's up and everything. Yep, you're going to give me some crazy roll for this. So instead of like going first because they're like going down the ladder, he's gonna kind of freak out a bit and just do that chicken flutter glide just down the hatch oh my god, yeah, okay, we're gonna get into that one later windy.
Speaker 5:Why is it windy? I feel wind, as you see um uh, so, uh, something, and the JJ.
Speaker 1:so you guys are surrounded by these tentacles, um, both of you, um, so the door was still barred shut, the tentacles have fully surrounded you. So you guys, you guys are kind of backed into a corner. What do you guys do?
Speaker 4:Um, I looked through the book to for any hints. Uh, and you know, while I do that, can I like? Sounds weird. But can I run? Can I rub the door with the torch?
Speaker 1:you totally can I mean, you're right, that sounded weird but it does nothing but kind of char the wood a little bit okay and then I I read through the book again to see if there's any hints as to like something that could help us out.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, um, you're reading it through, um, and all you catch is um, curious. Uh, you see a little blurb blurb stating um curiosity, uh, curiously wondering what its aversion to cold will be, or fire, due to the innate nature of the elemental and the ooblex that you two discuss. I shampoo you real quick, okay.
Speaker 4:I see this very long word ooblex. Do you know what that means?
Speaker 3:I have no idea. Dang it, I'm thinking about attacking. It says here Plex, do you know what that means? I have no idea. Dang it, I'm thinking about attacking.
Speaker 4:It says here and I just kind of relay what Bale mentioned like oh, it mentions that it has some sort of aversion to fire and ice. What are your thoughts? I am not sure what to do here. We are kind of in a corner and, as my once famous master once told me 10 years to cultivate wood, 100 years to cultivate a man.
Speaker 6:I'm out of ideas, I'm just going to attack we're, just as our DM has, gone right down what happened.
Speaker 3:Now that I'm in charge, I pull out my blade of frostbeard. Bam 17 strikes and dismembers a tentacle. Another strike, that's 20.
Speaker 2:And again Another tent. 20. And again Barn events. Another tentacle.
Speaker 3:And they retreat.
Speaker 4:And we live happily ever after. Do they have?
Speaker 5:actual canon endings for Bail.
Speaker 3:I pulled out my frostbeard and started slicing and attacking the tentacles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure, make a.
Speaker 3:I already got 23, 25, and 17 attacks from the blade of frostbeard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say any of those are going to hit and since they are just tendrils, I'm not going to say they're really going to have any health. So you're definitely making those swings. You are just chopping through these tentacles and you're kind of clearing a path. Are you like trying to get out or just cutting them down? Trying to get out? Okay, you guys are cutting a path through. I'm following Eric. Yeah, so from the way you can see how the cathedral is set up, like there is like a forward, like entrance type of opening, so you guys are. Yeah, so you guys are on your way through towards that entrance. Both of you make a dexterity save because the tendrils are going to try and lash out at you and grab you again. Oh right, I got to roll for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Please help me.
Speaker 7:Well, oh nice.
Speaker 1:Something. You got a 23. What did you roll the JJ?
Speaker 3:I don't remember, let me roll it again, hold on.
Speaker 1:Nope, you rolled a nine. I know what you rolled.
Speaker 7:You rolled a nine.
Speaker 1:So make an athletics check to see if you can break out, as they're wrapping themselves around you.
Speaker 4:He probably wants this. No wonder he fails. Honest, honest, there we go.
Speaker 1:Another Nat, nat 20. God, that's like five.
Speaker 7:Eric's on a roll.
Speaker 1:Eric's on a fucking roll Good for him dude.
Speaker 8:Again, you just like something.
Speaker 1:How are you reacting to the fact that every time he gets grabbed, he just fucking flexes and they just fucking fall off of him that?
Speaker 3:wasn't just a flex pal.
Speaker 1:His dick smacked away he's doing his giggles. Is it?
Speaker 4:getting hot in here Is it me. I'm just kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1:As you're getting your way through. You get through to the entrance and it's just back to another sewer tunnel, but there is still plenty of tentacles in front of you and the tentacles are also trying to wrap back around to get around you.
Speaker 4:Can I try to wave the fire to see if it's any sort of aversion to it?
Speaker 1:You can, but you can't, and as you're doing that, they don't seem to be bothered by the fire. If anything, it almost seems like it's trying to snuff out the fire.
Speaker 4:I see.
Speaker 3:Does my blade of frostbeard glow blue?
Speaker 1:The rune's on it glow blue. So, as you guys are walking, both of you make a perception check for me and something that will be a disadvantage. No, you passed it. You passed this time. Never mind, just go. Yours is no, no, no, this is from last time. Stop teasing me. You still have one from last time. Nope, that's a wisdom. Save Jesus Christ. Perception, aye, aye. So 16 and 11 for the first one, five for the second one. What so? Neither of you guys notice that there is a little hole, or not little, but there's a. There's a hole in the walking. It's like a draining point for more water deeper into the sewers, and you both fall through this hole deeper into the sewers, um, and you both fall through this hole, um, and you guys land into this, uh, very large amphitheater, um, in the pool, uh. So you land in a pool of muck, um, and you're this massive amphitheater and there's a bunch of slime all around you, um, both of you make. Make the dexterity saving, throw at disadvantage. Gosh dang man, that's just not.
Speaker 3:What throw?
Speaker 1:Dexterity saving, throw at disadvantage. You guys are in the belly of the beast, so of course you guys are getting the most fight.
Speaker 4:Better help me out here, Bale.
Speaker 1:I got a 20 and 21. Oh nice, yes. So, Eric, you are completely engulfed in slime and just dragged and smacked into the wall. Make an athletics check at disadvantage.
Speaker 5:Athletics advantage.
Speaker 1:So something you were able to back away from. It's a seven, um. You are just struggling in vain, but you are like us. You are just smacked into the wall, held up, um, but something you are, uh, able to avoid any of the tendrils and slime. And as you kind of come to your senses, there is a little bit of low light coming through this amphitheater. The ooze itself, since it's more pooled, actually gives off its own glow as well to an extent, and as you're looking around, you notice all around you is just this ooze wrapping the entire place.
Speaker 1:I and hold on, okay, and so you saw the JJ get stuck to a wall, and as you pan around, you notice other people stuck to the wall as well. Okay, other people stuck to the wall as well. You see an individual who looks very similar to Secundus. You see a Goliath woman as well, similar species to the JJ, and you see other people stuck to the wall. The other people, though, have slime completely covering their body, head to toe.
Speaker 1:You also do notice there is a bunch of corpses all over around you.
Speaker 1:You see, in one instance there is somebody, there's a dead body that was heavily armored, and their head has completely looked like it exploded outwards and you hear a large gurgling mass approaching you and we will cut back to the other three, so as so, you guys are going down the ladder, um, you guys in the distance heard a very loud splash and, secundus, you just down the down the down the ladder, just just fucking said Nope, I'm not crawling down, I'm not doing that shit, I'm just going straight down, um, and you land on this kind of lip face pretty high up in what looks like a almost uh three story, like massive chamber inside the sewers and you land down on it and essentially the way this, this room is set up is it looks like it's a a large uh drain for, uh, the sewer system, so, uh, but it seems to be clogged.
Speaker 1:So it looks like there's four tunnels that lead to it, or there's four waterways leading to it, as well as, uh, openings, and you notice a bunch of corpses and slimes all around and you notice when you land that there is a figure in the center and you kind of can make out it almost looks like something, but the light is kind of low so it's hard to make out full details and you notice a bunch of people like stuck to the wall and donk and shaquille. You guys make your way down the ladder and it lands on this lip edge uh, into this amphitheater and you guys notice this massive uh ooze mass slowly approaching something so with my night vision, like how much of this am I able to?
Speaker 1:You're able to see all of it. So you're able to see this ooze covering almost all the surfaces and you're seeing a bunch of corpses strewn around. I would say you see about 15 dead bodies strewn around.
Speaker 6:Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. We got a fucking problem here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm seeing that too. Did you say that really loudly?
Speaker 6:I would say very much in a panicked state.
Speaker 1:yeah, so something, now that we're all back together, something you heard Secundus up behind you, like way up about two stories up from you, going guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. But JJ, you also heard that too, and you're stuck to a wall, something. You're in the center of this muck. What do you two do? Hearing Secundus?
Speaker 4:So real quick, because I know Eric's stuck to a wall and I analyze the room and I see other people are stuck to a wall, potentially dead. I hear a noise behind me. I like glance over, I take a huge mouthful of my sake because I put two and two together that the ooze retracted when I put the fire next to it just temporarily. So I put, so I put some sake in my mouth and then I blow into my torch in a little like arc at Eric, yep, and then a little bit around because I you said, was there tentacles around me or something next to me?
Speaker 1:right? No, no, no, no, but there was something coming towards you.
Speaker 4:Okay, so I hear that. So I like, I kind of like, you know, blow at Eric with, with all the, you know the sake fire, and then you know something, why you blow him. So uh, and then uh to potentially like have that ooze, let go of eric. And then at the direction I hear something. So there's, like this quick fire, blast of just you know fire.
Speaker 1:You do that, can I pull out? My air horn no, you're stuck to a wall. You do that and nothing happens.
Speaker 4:Oh, so the ooze doesn't even react to it or like let go of Eric or anything. Oh interesting. Okay, so that's what I do and I'm sure that's what you guys see off in the distance.
Speaker 1:So you guys see that in the distance and yeah you just see the entire center, just light up with this crazy array of fire that something just did with the torch and his alcohol. Well, fire doesn't help. Do you guys hop down, or are you guys just going?
Speaker 7:to stay up there.
Speaker 6:Oh yeah. Well, it sucks to say, but I'm going to climb back up up the ladder.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm at an advantage up here for now okay, so you donk, if you want to stay up there, you totally can something.
Speaker 7:Secundus I don't think my short bow is gonna do anything against the slime um, there is like um, the, the goop.
Speaker 1:There is a, I would say, because the way the walls are set up they're kind of curved, kind of downward, so if you get a right angle you can slide down the wall without taking any damage.
Speaker 6:Where is this and hop?
Speaker 1:down.
Speaker 6:Where is this gloop of wall and stuff? Gloop of wall. What Like the blob?
Speaker 1:Oh, you can hear it coming from the. I would say it's like further ahead of you guys, I would say it's coming from the far right section. So I don't know what direction something is. I'm not going to even try and think of that. But you guys, from where you guys came from, far right ahead of you guys, there is one of those waterways and that's where it sounds like a lot of water and muck is being moved and that gurgling ooze is coming from.
Speaker 6:Okay, so I have two options here. Option A I could use shape. I could like slide down, use shape water and try to put a wall of water and block that into it so I can get Vajayjay out, where I can slide down and try to cut Vajayjay free. I think.
Speaker 1:If you guys want it's up to, so. Donk's gonna stay up. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 6:Heal. I'm gonna look at Chico. If I block that way, can you get? Can you get Vajayjay? Who are you?
Speaker 1:That was directed at you, Vijay J.
Speaker 6:You booger on the wall. Help, ask for JJ. Help, yeah, can you get Vijay J if?
Speaker 7:I block the tunnel.
Speaker 6:Yes, I could try. Okay, so I'm going to. Yeah, I'm going to one. It's a cantrip, so I'm going to try to, no worries.
Speaker 1:Hold on, you don'm going to try to. No worries, hold on, you don't have to worry about that yet. So, shaquille, you slide down, secundus you slide down, and, as you guys are starting to approach the center, all five of you hear this voice ring in your head.
Speaker 8:Fear me not, for I sense your hostility. Your weapons need not be drawn. We are not enemy.
Speaker 1:What will they do?
Speaker 8:Um, and he goes. You do not have to believe me, but I do not seek to believe me, but I do not seek Before you. The ones on the wall Are not dead. I can give them back to you. They look pretty fucking dead to me. They are not. They are any Suspended Animists.
Speaker 6:That's a fancy word for dead.
Speaker 7:It looks like all the people and the guards that were missing are here.
Speaker 8:They were an unfortunate circumstance, unfortunate souls blinded by pride. They chose to attack me, and I do not wish to attack you. I wanted to bring you all here to make an offer. I need aid.
Speaker 4:You need aid? I say well, some are happy, some are anxious wise words from a wise individual you said offer right yes, and the oozed.
Speaker 1:The ooze makes its way to the center and kind of wraps itself around a wall and moves around you something. So it's not trying to like enclose on you, it's just trying to get to a better spot and it kind of malforms itself and it actually kind of like so a piece of itself kind of pushes out from it and its mass forms into a rough shape of a person and it goes.
Speaker 8:Provide a better body for you to speak to.
Speaker 6:You look like a walking booger.
Speaker 7:Yeah, you fuck me with a capital F.
Speaker 8:And to me you are not of attractive nature.
Speaker 6:Sure showed me.
Speaker 8:Your two friends here. I brought them to the cathedral of my birth. They know there is more down here than myself. I want those individuals gone.
Speaker 7:Are you saying you're an experiment that went wrong?
Speaker 8:Like a born again, like Very experiment that went wrong Like a born again, like very. See, I now am a horrific amalgamation of an elemental of water and an ooblet, hence my control of the sewers. But the cult still has control over my body if they so chose to come near me. Hence why I have made my home here Difficult to gain entrance to. What cult is this? A cult of primordial evil. They serve horrific gods, wow.
Speaker 1:And it kind of chortles in its body, kind of like they're doing like a wave on us yeah, kind of like full saints.
Speaker 6:Can. I do a religion check in my head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally do a religion check while it's talking.
Speaker 8:These creatures are beyond gods. I got a 20.
Speaker 1:She killed one too.
Speaker 6:Yeah no finish here.
Speaker 8:These creatures are of the primordial essence of the universe itself. These cultists want to bring them back and bring forth a ruin to your world. I simply wish to exist. Unfortunately, I was a young mass. I did not know the capabilities I had and some died for it.
Speaker 1:The unfortunate ones on the ground, um, and you guys notice, um, the, the mass or the, some of the ooze around you kind of like rises up and kind of pokes at the dead bodies that are in armor.
Speaker 8:These adventurers. They do not want to see reason attacked, so I had to kill them for my own safety. However, the ones on the walls are still alive, suspended in an animus where they will forever dream and I will forever feast on their dream. However, I can free them from this life. They are still alive and I can erase their memories, so they will never know of this instant. However, I wish for the cultists in my. I want to put them in the animus and feed on them for the rest of their lives.
Speaker 6:Huddle, huddle everybody in. I'm going to try to get everybody in the huddle and I'm gonna like try to get everybody in the huddle. Do my wankings over.
Speaker 1:There's only Shaquille next to you same thing huddle over everybody she's big.
Speaker 6:This is like bullshit, right yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 7:He's basically trying to like honey dick us into killing some cult Right.
Speaker 6:Primordial Evil it sounds like they're really losing the naming part.
Speaker 7:We're talking. You're not supposed to hear us talk.
Speaker 8:I don't want to be that type of person, but no, no, okay, thank you. Get out of my head, I take a shot of sake and it's like oh my gosh okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1:He's just gonna like project the body up closer to you something do you wish to hear the rest while the others discuss?
Speaker 4:yeah, I mean I would like to ask a question. I thought, closer to you something. Do you wish to hear the rest while the others discuss? Yeah, I mean I would like to ask a question. I thought all of the cultists are dead in that cathedral.
Speaker 8:I killed three. There are still seven, seven technically eight remaining. One of them has gone insane. I don't really want to feast off of the memories and ideals of a creature that doesn't even know itself anymore. Your friend Secundus I think his name is from how he keeps screaming. He was very close to encountering it if he had gone down that tunnel. But the other seven still are out there. The leader is still there. I know where they are, but I cannot approach. Hence why I need your aid.
Speaker 4:Before I answer is Alex and Jay or Shaquille, and I'll stop.
Speaker 1:You guys heard this whole thing, that something was talking while he was talking directly to something, but you all heard it also. We're still overnight.
Speaker 7:It all sounds like bullshit, right? Do we talk to the?
Speaker 6:drunk.
Speaker 1:Well, as a sign of good faith and he releases the slime off of Vijayjay and Vijayjay. You kind of fall to the water.
Speaker 6:So Connors is going to peel his wing back and everything I'm going to Connors is going to try to walk over and like, get everybody a group together. Listening.
Speaker 8:He just goes, take your, your time. I can still hear you was there any meanwhile?
Speaker 5:I'm, I'm, I'm up on the perch, thinking like no, I think he made up that religion. That sounds made up, uh it's not a real well.
Speaker 1:Well, um, secundus, you know, the Primordials are a real thing. They're a kind of obscure text and it's hinted at that that is actually the end goal of the Sovereignty is to bring back the Dragon Queen so she can usher in Primordial energies. They don't want the primordials. The sovereignty doesn't want the primordials back, but they do want some influences of them. So it isn't a real thing. That is actually what was a part of the confluence, was the primordials broke through and kind of tried to destroy everything.
Speaker 6:In reality, so here's going to destroy everything in reality. So here could be like some character parts in this right I've heard, and like universally, like through the city and like the environment. Right, it's real. Right, that's what you're telling me. It's like everybody believes it's real.
Speaker 1:It's known. This is the Condis' flat Earth thing.
Speaker 3:Oh God.
Speaker 6:The condest is like everybody's on board with this. Nobody's thinking for themselves and it's all because, as a bard, he thinks people are reasonable and clever enough to think of good names for things. But just immediate primordial evil. He's like this is crap, nope, just saying guys, everybody talks about this. It's an old wives tale and no like we're saying it. But has anybody seen a primordial evil? He just chicken heads over to the booger, as he calls it, in his head.
Speaker 8:Elementals are that.
Speaker 6:Yeah, so you admitted it. Yes, that it's real. So, you're evil.
Speaker 8:That's what you just said, I don't think I'm evil.
Speaker 6:Well, you wouldn't think I don't see a brain in there.
Speaker 8:Well, that's just mean I'm a mass of blood and neurons.
Speaker 6:You're a mass of booger.
Speaker 4:Can I say what I read of the book I have?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys Vajayjay and something you guys can relay the info you found in that cathedral.
Speaker 4:So I relayed it of them trying to summon this poop and pee monster to bring Okay, because that's still how I'm seeing it, that makes sense to me Sure, in the sewers of all places. Why would they? So I relayed, they're trying to summon a poop and pee monster, as you can see from the text here, and I kind of like flip this book and I kind of like show them, like hand it to them. They are trying to bring destruction to the city through this powerful poop monster.
Speaker 6:Oh, we need to find a pile of shit.
Speaker 8:Whoa, I don't advise fighting. I can provide you clarity on the situation.
Speaker 6:What? There's no clear thing about shit.
Speaker 8:If it's in water, it's murky and clear.
Speaker 7:Speaking of shit and fertilizing. Haven't you whispering willows around here as I look around? Oh yeah, mushrooms.
Speaker 8:Well, I can aid you in search for the whisper willow. I have large.
Speaker 1:No, no, I just did like a perception check. Ah, there's one of them in the in the this kind of close to the center of the pool.
Speaker 6:You don't have to like I'm just going to ignore everybody and do like a really awkward impersonation of a duck to go get it. He goes.
Speaker 8:I have a large dominion of the God damn it Of the sewer systems. I know where many of those plants grow. I can retrieve them for you, but I need the cultist plants grow. I can retrieve them for you, but I need the cult alive so I may feast upon them, so I no longer have to go to the top surface and bother any of those that live in the city.
Speaker 6:Is the Whisperwillow on a little island out there in the water.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a little island of like shit.
Speaker 6:Okay, okay. So, as the condest is king of shit, mountain Right, oh god, he's gonna yell across. I thought you said you couldn't go near them.
Speaker 8:The cultists.
Speaker 6:Yes, then why do you want to feast on them?
Speaker 8:they're near you because they wouldn't be able to break free from it. The cult leader himself. He possesses the ability to cast a spell when he is in his right mind, to ensnare my essence to his whim. He wished to use me as a weapon against those that opposed the cult essence to his whim. He wished to use me as a weapon against those that opposed the cult.
Speaker 4:I think it would be.
Speaker 6:That sounds like a load of what I'm standing on.
Speaker 4:I think it would be wise to have such a powerful entity as our ally in the matter.
Speaker 7:Well, I guess my question is how did this experiment backfire to them? How come it didn't turn you evil?
Speaker 8:The explosion of energy from creating life, from an elemental born on the primordial plane and combining the I almost said abortion Creating the outer-whelmed body of an Obelix, Created a mass explosion of arcane energy. They did not predict. Knocking the leader unconscious Sorry, not unconscious Back. Knocking the leader unconscious or sorry, not unconscious back. He did not have the means to protect him and his cultists, so he ran very, very quickly away from the center, allowing me to escape, but I have not made any attempt to become close to their other cathedral. Some of the cultists died in the process. Two I had fed upon, a third had been crushed by a bookshelf, but the other seven I have no means of getting to. They travel in a group at all times for fear I will cause one of their own to walk into my lair. You, Secundus, know that I can be persuasive to the mind.
Speaker 6:Oh shit, what the fuck is my cousin here, my hatchmate?
Speaker 1:Um, yes, actually. So while you're actually kind of near the center, since you're at the center of the ship mound, I don't know if we established your hatchmate's name, but yeah, you do see your hatchmate. I don't think we did either. The hatchmate is stuck to the wall, completely encased in slime, and the ooblex goes your sibling is still alive and I can return them to you real hard.
Speaker 4:No memory of this nightmare can I ask if there's a thick daughter on one of the walls?
Speaker 1:um, you don't have to ask, because that was the goliath woman. Um, if you guys want to hold on, I'm going to stream it.
Speaker 4:Um, I just just as data on in your position, lilla I think it was lila um lila lila.
Speaker 7:Yeah, I'm looking at my notes, right now.
Speaker 1:I posted in the chat the image of her, and she is encased on the wall.
Speaker 7:Hey Vic.
Speaker 1:Actually we'll probably just end because we've been going on for almost two hours. Now he goes, but we'll end with this.
Speaker 8:The Ublix, or the creature, says to all of you do we have a deal I can guess or must we fight?
Speaker 6:We better help.
Speaker 7:Yeah, that's kind of fucked up how they treated you.
Speaker 4:I think we should help you, considering we need to save Do we have three helps what's always happy to bring peace to anyone I can don't sell and JJ
Speaker 3:still working. Slam off me. I say fight are you just?
Speaker 1:are you just pissed that it's like it's a case, you and goop that it's a K-Stune?
Speaker 3:goop.
Speaker 8:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh, apologies then. And he, uh, it kind of wiggles and the slime on your body kind of slops off you.
Speaker 3:Apology accepted. We will help.
Speaker 1:Alrighty, so easy going so that will so then yeah, so that's, we will end that and next session you guys should definitely read up on all your sheets. I will add those items I made for you guys Donk and Shaquille. So yeah because next session you guys are fighting some cultists oh boy, thank you.