Dungeons & Grunts

Ep. 1: An Unexpected Beginning

• Military Grade • Episode 1

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The gang comes to an acquaintance in a small city called Rustham.

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SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to Dungeons and Grunts, an actual play podcast where current and former military servicemen got together to play some D&D. I'm Daniel, currently serving in the Air Force. Then we got Alex, who is serving in the Army. We got Eric, who served in the Navy. Chappy, who served in the Marines. And finally, we got Bail, who was a prior Army cadet. So to start things off, I'll be playing as some Ting Wong, a mystery monk. Now, you guys go ahead and introduce yourselves. I'm Alex. I'm playing as Shaquille Oatmeal. I'm a wood elf rogue. Hello, my name is Chappy, and I am the voice of Donk, a firbolg cleric. Hello,

SPEAKER_02:

I am Eric. I am playing as Vajayjay, a goliath, eight-foot-tall barbarian with a 20-inch knocker.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, everybody. My name is Bale. I am your dungeon master for today, and you may call me Daddy. All right. I guess we'll take it. Only Chappie calls me daddy. I felt so weird at work. It's like, you want daddy to come down? I was like, daddy, help. Oh, let me just talk to daddy really quick. Well, I ran the reports by daddy and I just want to say that as a warning, our audio doesn't sound amazing for this first episode, for this first session. We do greatly apologize for that. We are fairly new to this and trying to get everything working together and for recording all of our voices in one instance. It was quite the learning curve, so just please bear with us. It will get better from here, we promise. So I just wanted to give out that short disclaimer before we get started. Anyway, Bale, go ahead and take us away. Welcome to the world of Adon, a realm that emerged from the ashes of a great calamity known as the Confluence. This world is a convergence of multiple realities which has led to a unique blend of gods, people, and technologies from diverse worlds. However, Adon is not a world of peace. Upon the continent of Vator, as factions battle for power and control. In the east, the Draconic sovereignty has been embroiled in a war with the Galmart Empire to the north for centuries, and the newly formed Unio Draconis to the south has added to this conflict. The West was taken over a few decades ago by the Confederacy of States, a technologically advanced and magically gifted group that recently rebelled against the Arundalian Empire from across the Majestly Expanse. The faction's struggle for power and domination creates an intricate and volatile world full of political intrigue, epic battles, and magical wonders. Join our merry band of misfits as they embark upon a journey of possible grandeur. Will they succeed in stopping the coming dark or will the world they know fall to turmoil? Welcome to the world of a dome where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. So we join our merry band of... In Rustham, a city founded upon the side of the Dragon Ridge Mountain, a small but bustling town located on the border of the Galmart Empire and the Draconic Sovereignty. The town is home to a large military force that is always on the lookout for potential threats from their enemy nations. Due to the mountain, Rustham has built a massive mining industry that many blacksmiths and magical scholars have flocked to the town to build weapons for the military and create magical wonders to aid in the war effort. Rustham is home to many businesses that support the military, such as blacksmiths, stables, and taverns. The people of Rustham are fiercely loyal and are always ready to defend their town and their fellow neighbors. The town is surrounded by a high-rise stone wall, eight feet thick, with guard towers evenly spaced along the wall. There are two gate entrances to the west and southwestern portion of the wall, the east and northern portion of the town guarded by the mountains. Streets are still dirt, even though the town is high We join our merry band with the first, may he introduce himself. Oh, is that me? Oh, sorry. Sorry, this is my first time on the spotlight. I am something Wong. I am a monk. And what else do I add? Dad, help. Dungeon Master a phone call to a friend so you're starting off like this is your show why are you why are you in this place and kind of kind of tell us how we're starting off okay all right so i'll work on my voice later but uh Well, I guess I don't need to do any voice. You don't need to voice. Okay, so I'm walking into the city. You know, I'm fairly new. I'm actually new to this area because I'm a wandering type of guy. I just walked in, you know, and I'm kind of like taking a tour of the city. And then, you know, I'm just walking around. And then I go to the tavern because I like to drink. All righty. Before we begin, can you describe kind of what some Ting Wong looks like for yourself, the others, and the viewer? He is a 5'5", old, wise-looking Asian guy with a really long goatee and stash and ponytail-type tied-up hair. and he has some robes on uh you know um yes and maybe some sandals kind of stereotypical monk yeah yeah and then um yeah that's what i look like oh very tan as well okay so we join some ting wong at the dragon's foot inn it's a large tavern slash inn i mean it's the kind of central it's right before you reach the market square to the town. As you're walking up, the streets are kind of bustling. You don't really know why. Again, you're new to this area. You kind of push your way kind of through the evening crowd as you get into the tavern and you enter. It's not as busy inside as it is outside. You see about two other people kind of sitting in the tavern. Some basic sounds of people cleaning the back, cooking, hearth going. There's no No bards of any kind you can see, so the place is rather dead and silent. What do you do? I just go to the bartender and I order a drink. Walking up to the bar, you see a very short, gruff man, looks about 50 in age, bald head, really, really thick, low-set eyebrows. I mean, like, you can barely see his eyes. Big mustache and a little bit of the the little strip under the chin as he's just slowly cleaning a mug and he looks at you and you just hear from him and continues going back to cleaning his mug do you not show respect to your elder give me a drink

SPEAKER_00:

I'm

SPEAKER_01:

gonna get in so much

SPEAKER_00:

trouble. Oh my god. He looks at you and says, is something wrong?

SPEAKER_01:

oh my god damn it alright the guy can stop some pauses looks at you doesn't even have any change in his face I mean it is like dead stare again you can't really see his eyes there's no emotion to his face and he just very plainly what do you have I want the strongest thing you got he eyes you up and down and then I smack him and says eyes up here as you slap him the two people that are sitting you can hear You can hear them shuffling, and as you kind of turn, you notice all of them are staring at you for what you just did. And then I ask him to give me a drink. Hey, you're taking too long. He looks at the other two, just nods his head, says, I'll get you a little white wine. And he reaches up, grabs you a wine, pours it, puts it in front of you, and just goes back to cleaning his mug. And then I will drink it, and then I will... I'll say you know I'll say You know, I'm sorry. It's been a long journey, so it's a little stressful. I had lots of little rats nibble at my feet when I was sleeping, so I'm sorry. Don't mind it. And then I continue drinking. Don't mind it. Just understand. You do something like that stupid in this town, they will kill you. Well, those eyes will definitely kill me for sure, but I will say you have a soft baby face. You see his eyebrows very slowly rise up and you can just see very dark, beady eyes under the eyes. So do you come here often? I own the place. Oh, okay, okay. Listen, if you want small talk, go talk to one of the watchers. Anyway, I gotta get going. Nice meeting you. Payment. Oh, hmm. That'll be one gold. Is that a thing? That'll be one gold. Oh, gosh. That's really expensive. How about I give you... What's smaller than gold? Silver. Silver? All right. How much money do I have? Where do I find that at? Check your inventory.

SPEAKER_00:

Inventory. I think everybody started at 15 gold. 15

SPEAKER_01:

gold? Okay. Where's gold? Oh, 19.

SPEAKER_00:

Damn, I ain't balling.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, how much silver is in gold? 10 silver. Ten silver. Oh, you never played World of Warcraft, bro? No. That's actually 99 silver. Oh. Well, 100 silver is one gold. Oh. I don't know. Anyway, I will say to him, how about ten silver? I am not a rich-licking man, as you can see. He looks at you and says, ten silver works. I don't know. Sorry. I meant five silver. Sorry. Conversion in my mind is a little... different than where I come from. Right. Eat silver and get the hell out. Ah, gosh. That's too expensive. You then proceed to hear the other two men get up from their chairs and start walking towards you. No, no, no. Let's not get into this. I am your elder here. You need to respect me, okay? I am an old man, okay? Be nice. I am very poor. Four, please. You didn't even tell me the prices when I got the drink. You also slapped me before I gave you a drink. Where I come from, it's also a sign of greeting. Where I come from, you get killed for stupid shit like that. Ah, you know what? That is my mistake. Okay, how about I give you four and a half silver? You give me eight silver, or these two beat your ass and give me a gold. Ah... Alright, fine. I'll give you seven. Fine. Hey, it worked! You give him seven? Yes, I'll give him seven. He looks at you and then proceeds to say, If I ever see you in my tavern again, you will not see the next day. I'm not afraid of you. Okay, whatever. Here's your silver. Good. Get the fuck out. Sorry, I can't hear you. And I walk in. What a cunt. Yeah. That's my job. I'm sorry. I just tried to... What fucking way do you greet people, you twat? You fucking slapped him. I don't know. I just felt like slapping him. And you expected him to be nice to you? Well, you know, I am an old guy. That don't fucking matter. I'm kind of docile at some points, you know? Oh. You slapped him. I just do things because, you know. Anyways, anyways, what do you do after leaving the tavern? You start noticing there are people kind of moving towards the market square, like quite a few people moving towards the market square. You notice the bustle of the street, again, is moving towards the market square, and you hear a lot of sounds coming from that direction. Yeah, the streets are bustling. Busting. All right. Well, I'm just going to start wandering. To? Just everywhere. I'm just walking around the marketplace, you know. So you're making your way to the market center square. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So you make your way there and you notice people are starting to gather around the market square. We're going to leave off from you and we're going to go to Alex.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_01:

Alex, may you introduce your character?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, Shaquille Oatmeal here, Wood Elf Rogue. You know, I kind

SPEAKER_01:

of look like Thorin from Lord of the Rings, but with elf ears. And yeah, I too like to party. And my little backstory is, you know, Rogue Elf grew up with me. on the streets. Stole to survive. Find a stay on top. You don't need to say your backstory. It's okay. But, you know, I too like to party and I also went to the tavern the same night when the old Asian fucker was there. As a matter of fact, I bumped into him on the way in. I like how you paid attention to how I said he had to kind of push his way through people. Did you happen to take anything? Yeah, I reached into his pocket and grabbed two gold. Daniel, remove two gold from your pockets. I could have felt something in my pants. And it was not a penis. That's for being an asshole. I didn't mean to. I'm trying to figure out my character, man. I'm so

SPEAKER_00:

sorry. Like you have a by character B. How about an unlikable asshole?

SPEAKER_01:

Who might I add assaulted a man after he said one sentence to you? He was acting like a total butthead. He was a gruff bartender. Some tough guy. Calm down, Mr. Tough Guy. Have you not watched Cloudy with a Chance at Meatballs? That's exactly who I thought of. That was the joke! I don't watch it. I don't know. Anyways, we move on. Mr. Shaquille, how do we... Jesus Christ. I'm a changed man after everyone's turn, okay? Mr. Shaquille, how do you proceed into the tavern after Sir Asshole left?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I put two gold in my pocket. Oh, no, I put it right in my pocket. And you know what?

SPEAKER_01:

I bought a round for everyone with your gold. That actually works. You bought a round for every single person at the tavern and that does actually round up to two gold because it's just ale. It's pretty cheap.

SPEAKER_00:

Nice. There you

SPEAKER_01:

go. Walked up to the bar. Round on me, boys. He looks at you. Looks at the gold. Looks back at you. Kind of chuckles to himself. Goes... I don't care that that was taken illegally. How would he know that? How would he? What in the world? How would he know gold is stolen? I cannot confirm or deny these allegations. Okay, I'm sorry. He looks at you, Shaquille, and goes, I know the type. And again, proceeds to pour an ale out for everybody. And did you get one for yourself?

SPEAKER_00:

Of course, of course. He

SPEAKER_01:

pours you an ale. Having one right now. And he goes, since I actually got a nice person, how did you... get to this town. What brings you here? I've been from town to town and surprisingly have become quite

SPEAKER_00:

a fan of this city and I love the vibes here as well as the community. What's

SPEAKER_01:

the, all the, you know, what's all the bussing in the town square about? Oh, in a couple minutes the Baron's going to be having his monthly meeting for the town where you know they discuss some basics uh how the town's going what we need for the war effort and how the war effort's going and we proceed on with our days the baron you has started this tradition after he was anointed uh to make sure that the town is working together for the greater good so he'll be in the town square in quite a few minutes why does the baron live uh do you see that uh large ass manor that was on the side of the mountain uh On the east or west side? East side.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Just asking. I'm just saying I wouldn't mess with the Baron. Not intended. I'm just saying Baron Rutelius is a vet from the war that's still going on. Baron. It's really hard to do a gruff

SPEAKER_00:

voice. It's not showing any audio, so I'm wondering I'm worried that it's just not going to be there.

SPEAKER_01:

Aaron Rotelius is a vet from the war. Very strong. He might look poorly and chubby, but he'll rip your arms off. Scary man, I gotta say. Alright, well, at that point, I will turn to the right and ask the gentleman what he's doing here. Eric!

UNKNOWN:

Eric!

SPEAKER_01:

What do you answer to the gentleman on your left that just asked you what you're doing here? Can you introduce yourself? I lost my dildo. I was trying to

SPEAKER_02:

find it. Sorry, can you repeat that last statement, Alex? I didn't quite fully understand it. Okay, long story short, we're

SPEAKER_01:

in a tavern. I bought you a round, okay? Keyword, I bought you a round. I'm not trying to take you to bed just yet. With my money, just remember

SPEAKER_00:

that. With Daniel's money, I bought you a round.

SPEAKER_01:

I was essentially his sugar daddy, and I bought it for you.

SPEAKER_02:

Fuck yeah, cheers to you. What are you doing in town? Hold

SPEAKER_01:

on, hold on. Before you answer, Eric, introduce your character.

SPEAKER_02:

Hello, my name is Judge IJ. I am a... mercenary uh hold on let me pull up my notes uh i am prior military where the fuck are my notes i don't oh okay backstory

SPEAKER_01:

all right do not discuss your whole backstory oh no just discuss your character like where are you i had a long night I am not from

SPEAKER_02:

this area I was enslaved back in the day and uh

SPEAKER_01:

fucking just drop that bomb god damn okay

SPEAKER_02:

well I had a rough life okay I'm trying to make up I come here to look for a future um I'm looking for any single ladies or men either or I'm okay with both I figure the tavern would be the best place so

SPEAKER_01:

am I gonna be having a lot of fucking gay intercourse with any gay intercourse I'm

SPEAKER_02:

glad I met you. I hope we become best friends in the future. I will now buy you a drink back with my own money. A little louder.

SPEAKER_01:

Where do I begin?

SPEAKER_00:

He doesn't want the wife to hear all the gay shit.

SPEAKER_02:

It all started when I looked at you in your eyes, Alex. You bought me this drink from that old oriental

SPEAKER_01:

purse that you had

SPEAKER_02:

stole.

SPEAKER_01:

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_02:

Anyways, I heard there's a party outside. Shall we inquire?

SPEAKER_01:

Real quick. Damn, first date. Eric, real fast. Can you describe what your character looks like in your head?

SPEAKER_02:

Alright. Well, I am always hooded and I wear a veil. People only see my neon green eyes and my tatted face. The only time anyone will see my full face is when they're about to get murdered. Which is why I leave my veil on. Or in bed.

SPEAKER_01:

What if they see you? Even in bed, my veil is

SPEAKER_02:

on.

SPEAKER_01:

Damn. I will state this. He's also a Goliath and he's 8 feet tall. I'm 8

SPEAKER_02:

feet tall and I got a raging...

SPEAKER_01:

Never mind. He's very muscular. There we go. Continuing with this weirdness. Let me get this straight.

SPEAKER_00:

You're an eight-foot goliath that wears a veil, and any hole and or pole is a goal. What are you doing tonight? I would like to

SPEAKER_02:

meet you. Take

SPEAKER_00:

you out. Can I buy you a beer, too? I almost choked on my drink, too.

SPEAKER_01:

That was girl choppy. That was fucking A-tier. Holy shit. Continue. Well, first of all... I need more beer for this. Yeah, true. Where were we? Oh, yeah. So Eric wants to go out. Yep. He bought me a drink. How much is a tab? You guys already paid the tab. Well, he bought me a drink back. Oh, that's one gold. Little did

SPEAKER_02:

you know I stole that money from Daniel or from something as he was walking out. I did. You didn't see it because I was behind him the whole time, okay? I was

SPEAKER_01:

invisible. Nobody Nobody saw me. I'm an eight foot tall, big ass Goliath with glowing green eyes. I wasn't moving. Nobody saw me. And I say... I was eating chips. I was invisible. Hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_00:

There's a... You stuck your like blowfish hand into someone's pocket while only like your index finger could fit into. I

SPEAKER_01:

know. His hand's like the size of your eyes' fucking head. And he's like, oh, I was quiet. Nobody

SPEAKER_02:

saw me. I wasn't

SPEAKER_01:

moving. No, no, no. What happened was he put his hands in some guy's pocket, and then he was like,

SPEAKER_00:

shh. Oh, my God. That's not how it happened, Daniel. They didn't

SPEAKER_01:

notice me, okay? I'm looking at... Oh, what the fuck? You actually are kind of weirdly stealthy for a big-ass glove. Exactly, bro. I know my

SPEAKER_02:

character,

SPEAKER_01:

okay? Okay, hold on, hold on. We'll check. First, roll me a stealth check for that. I need to... I need to see this.

SPEAKER_02:

Finally, some action. I

SPEAKER_01:

want to see this. Control F. Stealth.

SPEAKER_02:

I win.

SPEAKER_01:

Are you ready? Oh, that's Alex. You son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_02:

There. 9 plus 3 equals 12. Suck it.

SPEAKER_01:

Whoever you did this to ran away in fear. Exactly. They saw an 8 foot tall motherfucker that was creepily real. out to put their hand in their pocket.

SPEAKER_02:

Trust me, I missed what I meant to grab, but I got

SPEAKER_01:

the purse anyways. You did not get anything, and you terrified a poor citizen. Like, you terrified a poor citizen. It was weak. I only look

SPEAKER_02:

for the strong.

SPEAKER_01:

I need a challenge. Continuing, you just use your own money for that, and I won't say it's a gold. I'll say it's five silver. Five silver for a

SPEAKER_02:

drink? Okay, I'm done. Bro, you can take yourself out. I'm done. We'll find something cheaper to eat. My God.

SPEAKER_01:

Damn. This guy dropped that fast. Actually, wait. Why don't you have... No, wait. Hold

SPEAKER_02:

on. Exactly. I'm poor, okay? That's why I'm stealing. Why do you have no money? Exactly. I was ripped off, bro. I was a slave.

SPEAKER_01:

They didn't pay me. You want to go out to the marketplace? Oh, snap. Five silver. All right. I'll pay five silver for you, Steph. Hold on. There we go. I knew

SPEAKER_02:

I found a sugar daddy.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Hold on. Eric, I added money to your... I did a roll. You should have something. There we go. I

SPEAKER_02:

was a slave, though. That was my backstory.

SPEAKER_01:

Jesus Christ! Just tell the world! Am

SPEAKER_02:

I not supposed to?

SPEAKER_01:

It's a backstory!

SPEAKER_02:

Well, that's the reason why I'm so angry.

SPEAKER_01:

Why would they know that?

SPEAKER_02:

They're not supposed to know, I guess.

SPEAKER_01:

Why would anybody know your backstory?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, Alex and something. Or maybe just Alex. Alex should know.

SPEAKER_01:

Are you really? Damn, you are one talkative Goliath just right off the get go I'm gonna I want to ask you out alcohol does that they're gonna smash and also here's my backstory of my life arms right he's very forward on his very very forward

SPEAKER_02:

well Alex asked me okay we had a date all right you guys didn't hear it it was in the back

SPEAKER_01:

all right Eric tell your if you want to tell him your backstory tell him why you are the way you are no no

SPEAKER_02:

no we spoke my piece but he was expensive he paid for my drink and I left

SPEAKER_01:

he was he was expensive Thanks

SPEAKER_02:

for the beer, though. Let me pay you back. I got some money now. Hold on. Can you explain to me how I do this real

SPEAKER_01:

quick? Subtract in your inventory. Click on that little six and then the little

SPEAKER_02:

symbol. Inventory.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it? Do you see that little weird shape in the top right corner? I got me a free

SPEAKER_00:

drink from Daniel and Eric.

SPEAKER_01:

I

SPEAKER_02:

literally have no gold, bro.

SPEAKER_01:

Sorry, bro. You paid I added it. I added it. You have six gold. So we'll say you have one gold and five silver.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not going to lie. I really have zero gold. I'm looking at it right now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. You have six. I just added it.

SPEAKER_02:

Refresh. Oh, God. So what? Did you guys get a black background?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

We'll

SPEAKER_01:

discuss that later. All right. So you guys continue. You guys paid the drink. You're all

SPEAKER_02:

good. I had

SPEAKER_01:

a good time with you just now. You two continue. What are you guys doing? Well, Eric said that there is something outside at the market, so we're heading there. Sorry, what's Eric's character name?

SPEAKER_02:

Vajayjay. You asked me what my character name is. All right, Mr. Jay. Mr. Jay. Mr. Jay. Mr. Jay. Mr. Jay. Call me Daddy.

SPEAKER_01:

What's the first name?

SPEAKER_02:

Just

SPEAKER_01:

the first name. Vaja. Fine, we'll go with

SPEAKER_02:

that.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you're going to go as Vaja. From now on, you're known as V. Jesus.

SPEAKER_02:

Mr. V.

SPEAKER_01:

That sounds very, you know, polar. It can go V for vendetta, V as a male, V as a female.

SPEAKER_02:

Or V for

SPEAKER_01:

Vajaja. Yeah. What's

SPEAKER_00:

funny is it's still VJ because you said it's Mr. J, but it's now VJ. Like a vagina job, if that's a thing. What is

SPEAKER_02:

happening? What is happening? Just call me Mr. V. I'll be, oh, I'm okay

SPEAKER_01:

with that, Mr. V. We're stuck on this. Continue. You two, fuck it out and go do something. God damn it. Do something. All right, Alex, will

SPEAKER_02:

you hold my hand as we go out?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, my

SPEAKER_02:

God. No? Okay. walk out without holding hands. And we meet this unknown stranger.

SPEAKER_01:

These two just bought a drink and are now best of friends, apparently. We spilled each other's

SPEAKER_02:

secrets, okay? I told them my life story.

SPEAKER_01:

Alex, did you spill the secrets? No, but, you know. I like mysterious men.

SPEAKER_02:

Mysterious men are my intrigue.

SPEAKER_01:

Jesus Christ. Continue. What are you guys doing after you guys leave this tavern, apparently?

SPEAKER_02:

That's not for you to know.

SPEAKER_01:

That is for me to know. Alex?

SPEAKER_02:

I'll let you lead the way.

SPEAKER_00:

Gone to the market.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so you guys make your way to the market square. As you guys make it to the market square, you notice that monk-looking fellow, older, kind of just wandering around aimlessly the market square, looking at the stalls and stuff like that. Do you guys make a comment about seeing all the bustling and noticing that dude that's just wandering and was kind of an asshole. Okay, by the way, I just want to set this for the record. I have cemented what my guy will be from now on. That's fine. That's fine. You evolve. It's okay. We all have our dark past. Come on, man! I just want a second chance at life! Come on, dude! I messed up! I'm a changed man, I promise! Anyways, so you guys make it to the market square. You guys get there, and we're going to now shift to our final individual, Mr. Donk. Take it away, chappy.

SPEAKER_00:

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da He's a bit big. He's a big fella. He's a furbolg. You familiar with what furbolgs look like? This is like an MMA announcement. Coming in at 8 feet tall, 72 inch reach. Weighing at 247 pounds. Let's go! Hey, everybody. Yeah, happy to be here. Except it's dog, so it's like, coming in with a 42-inch waist. Which is actually kind of a small waist for how tall he is.

SPEAKER_02:

That's

SPEAKER_00:

a very small waist. Yeah, we don't judge. Those are rookie numbers. You've got to pump those numbers up. Yeah, so he's a big old firbolg. He's got kind of a

SPEAKER_01:

pale blue skin and ears that kind of point back like an elf. He almost looks like a frosty giant, so to speak, but

SPEAKER_00:

he's not a frost giant. He's got long platinum hair, just pure white, and he's carrying around this great big club. And legend has it that he has the biggest ass on the plane.

SPEAKER_02:

somebody notices who is also

SPEAKER_01:

playing is like the world plane is like that the university as soon as as soon as v me Get the ass on that guy. Yes, as soon as V meets Donk, you just hear the fucking Metal Gear Solid alert sign come on as he notices his ass. All right,

SPEAKER_00:

continue. Hey, baby. What you doing? Oh, you talking to me.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, are you at the Market Square?

SPEAKER_00:

Wait, no, where am I? That's what I was going to ask you. Where am I?

SPEAKER_01:

You decide where you're

SPEAKER_00:

at. So I come walking into town, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Through the big-ass gates.

SPEAKER_00:

Through the big-ass gates. Well, you know, it was a bit ago.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I, uh... They're in sight. The tavern's in sight. I see two people walking out of the tavern, and I... Can I make an insight check to see if someone tried to hold a hand, but it didn't go through or something? Can we just look at it?

UNKNOWN:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Do it! Do it! Fucking make that inside check, damn it! 19.

SPEAKER_00:

19! Like, I'm pretty sure I know what I saw.

SPEAKER_01:

Eric, Eric, you have to tell me truthfully here, did you go for a hand grab?

SPEAKER_02:

Initially, until I saw...

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, okay. Okay. There you go, that's your answer. You 100% saw the hand grab attempt. Oh, interesting. So I keep walking forward.

SPEAKER_00:

laughter laughter I'm noticing that there's a lot of people kind of clamoring around me. They seem to be whispering as they walk by. Damn it, he's got a big

SPEAKER_01:

ass. I know,

SPEAKER_00:

right? I keep kind of hearing, like, there's a lot of murmuring, but the thing that stands out to me, the one word I always hear, no matter where I've been in this plane, is donk. Everyone keeps mentioning donk. Doesn't he

SPEAKER_01:

have, like, the biggest donk? I know, what a donk.

SPEAKER_00:

That must be my name. Damn, that's a nice donk. All right. Well, anyway, so I go up to these two approachable-looking gentlemen. Or... At least whoever they are. The same noise that played in my head when I saw the hand grab. And I guess I strike up a conversation.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. Take it away. How

SPEAKER_00:

are you guys doing? Got some questions for you.

SPEAKER_01:

That's you too. Uh, ask

SPEAKER_02:

away.

SPEAKER_01:

So, not to sound,

SPEAKER_00:

uh, I don't know what they say here, uh, weird, but, uh, if you noticed any really evil shit like dark looming clouds or corpses walking around, some sort of, something that just seems a little off, you know, not your typical Tuesday.

SPEAKER_01:

He points

SPEAKER_02:

towards

SPEAKER_01:

something's wrong. And then I look at him.

SPEAKER_00:

Hello there. Guys, are you sure? Are

SPEAKER_01:

you sure about that? I say... Better than a diamond with a flower than a pebble without one. What the fuck was that? And then I bowed. That was poetry, bro. And then I continued about my business. We went from I'm slapping a dude for saying a sentence to now poetry. He's got layers. I like that. It's a Chinese proverb, man. Get it right. I'm full of wisdom. Dropping those wisdom bombs. I'm shutting my mouth.

SPEAKER_00:

See, I I'm looking for something. I... I kind of fell out of my own world into... Well, that's all... That doesn't matter. See, the thing is, there's evil afoot. I know it. I can smell it. I can... Well, I can also smell you. One of you. But, uh... Or something around here. Couldn't be me. Must be that old man. I look around. Can I look around for something stinky?

UNKNOWN:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I just feel like I need to do something. I don't know where to go with this conversation.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's both roll for it. Give me a perception check.

SPEAKER_02:

I got hot showers in my room.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god. Give me a perception check, dog. I didn't see it. Hold on. I'll pull it up. Oh, there it is.

SPEAKER_02:

17.

SPEAKER_01:

Weirdly enough... It's not coming from the old man. And it's not coming from the big Goliath standing in front of you at eye level.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, shit.

SPEAKER_01:

It's coming from the direction of the elf. But it's not the elf. It's the little child trying to get into his pockets.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, hey there, little fella. What are you doing in there? The fuck do you want, man? You know, is this your child, sir? Fuck you! And he runs off. What a charming young man. So, you guys from around here?

SPEAKER_02:

No, not me. I'm looking for someone.

SPEAKER_00:

Ha ha ha!

UNKNOWN:

Ha ha ha!

SPEAKER_00:

Someone

SPEAKER_02:

who's caused great pain to my family. Ooh,

SPEAKER_00:

that's deep. I bet it is! Maybe this is the darkness I'm looking for. Come with me. I am

SPEAKER_02:

looking for a client to help me fulfill my revenge. Sounds deep. I'm in.

SPEAKER_01:

Where the fuck did this come from? I'm loving it. Anyways, so as you guys are talking, you hear kind of loud gongs and you hear trumpets going. And the crowd kind of quiets down, kind of separates as you see in the center where you assume there's a little bit of a pedestal just kind of got put up. You see a very large man, probably like six foot four, big gut. But I mean, just massive arms and shoulders and legs, thick neck, scars all over his face, and a very well-made sword on his hip. Stand up. He's wearing very refined fineries I guess you would say of red and silver inlays he has a very large mustache that's kind of curled up and then his beard kind of goes down into a braid he then he puts his hand up and everybody silences further and then walking up to his side on his right you see a also heavily clad man No helmet, but he's in full armor. And he has the insignia, which anybody want to roll me a insight check?

SPEAKER_02:

Hold on, what does a sight check mean? Ooh, 21 from Mr. Donk. I heard sight check.

SPEAKER_01:

Insight. Did somebody want to roll me over a sight check? Alright, insight check sent. So, Donk, although you're little a little new to this place you get the sense that whatever the symbol is and how very stiff this dude walks that he is a high-ranking military affiliated person in some way or form and then on to the I said the right for the military guy on the left of the what you guys can easily assume is a baron is a can't really tell who shorter individual wearing a very large hood their hands hands kind of in their sleeves and the cloaks that they're wearing is blue but you see twinkles of yellow um and you can immediately feel kind of like a very magical presence off of this individual nothing threatening but this person's magical in nature um the baron puts his hand down he goes well everyone welcome to the monthly meeting the i'll whisper

SPEAKER_00:

to mr v i say you ever see cock magic

SPEAKER_02:

only from frost giants who i despise oh

SPEAKER_00:

i look kind of like a frost giant but i'm not a frost giant what does this mean did i actually hear them i can't tell if i heard them

SPEAKER_01:

Well, let us continue on. Monthly revenue of the mining materials has been rather plentiful. We've well surpassed last year's numbers. Blacksmiths have been doing quite well for themselves, making better equipment. You all keep doing that business. As

SPEAKER_02:

they're talking, I would like to steal something from this guy next to me.

SPEAKER_01:

As you try to move, you stumble and trip. Damn it! You You

SPEAKER_00:

rolled a five! I tried, okay? You rolled a five! This is what you rolled, and then you still said what you wanted to do. Okay,

SPEAKER_02:

hold on. Hold on. Roll check. Roll check here. I've never done this before, so do I have a best of three? Or if I roll a shit number and I choose not to do it and change my mind, can I go back?

SPEAKER_01:

You already chose to. No. you have to so I was just doing this for shits and giggles you need to let me know what you do and then roll

SPEAKER_02:

oh okay well I didn't let you know it was a practice round okay

SPEAKER_00:

so

SPEAKER_01:

would you

SPEAKER_00:

like to roll again no I'm

SPEAKER_02:

listening very intently to this guy who's giving his plans

SPEAKER_01:

so as he says that as this big ass Goliath stumbles into a person he was trying to touch I don't know for what purposes. Was it the old man? I

SPEAKER_02:

tripped, okay? I was clumsy.

SPEAKER_01:

The Baron kind of turns his head at you and just stares you with steely eyes. And then goes back. The Magicarium has done very well for innovations this year. And I'm happy to announce we have finally been able to replicate the technology from the Urundalian Empire. Former cousins from ones we all know that we've separated from I would like to announce the first iteration and trial of the airship and as he says that he turns around and from the mountain you see a large ship vessel kind of fly out from the mountain it's very very rudimentary very steampunk ass and it's very loud and clunky and it's kind of jittery, a little... What are you doing, Eric? What are you trying to persuade?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so I hit that. When the guy saw me trip and fall, try to touch somebody, it was meant to...

SPEAKER_01:

Eric, just next time ask me about stuff. I will tell you what to roll. Stop it. Oh, okay. Okay, I raised my hand. Yes? And I asked the Baron, what is the airship for? He looks at you very confused. He's never really been... He seems like he's never been interrupted before in one of these. He goes, Well, you seem new to this city. I welcome you. Town of Rustum. The airship is for our ability to eventually combat the dragons to South... east and northeastern borders. We've been able to stave them off with our magics and our minor technological advancements as we have cannons that are able to pierce their hides. However, in the event that they attempt to invade us with more fierce tenacity, hopefully we would have individuals in the air that could take them down at a better ability. However, this is our first iteration.

SPEAKER_00:

Cool. Do I roll deception here and I just tell them I'm a high-ranking officer in this city? You

SPEAKER_01:

sure can try. What do you tell him?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, actually, sir, I'm a pretty... well-known person in this city and uh also very well-known military officer

SPEAKER_01:

the um the baron oh i accidentally rolled for you shit

SPEAKER_00:

yeah i was confused there

SPEAKER_01:

for a second sorry sorry we guess you got yeah the baron i wish i had my dice with me um he kind of chuckles and looks at you and says you don't look like a court jester

SPEAKER_02:

all right i'm raising my

SPEAKER_01:

hand i'm This is a meeting. I have business to attend to. I got my

SPEAKER_02:

intimidation check, okay? You had a 14. I'm going to stand up for my friend. I'm like, excuse you, Baron. Who are you? To tell my high-ranking officer friend.

SPEAKER_01:

I am a Baron.

SPEAKER_02:

Can I use perception

SPEAKER_01:

dice right

SPEAKER_02:

now? Or persuasion? I got 19.

SPEAKER_01:

Shut the

SPEAKER_02:

fuck up. All

SPEAKER_01:

right, I'm standing down. I don't see a 19. He goes, good, now stop interrupting. I raise my hand. I'm going to fucking kill you. He stops and says, if another individual raises their hand to interrupt me, I will have you thrown and flogged. Am I understood? Well, you see, I just had that one question. I'll raise my hand and ask him what

SPEAKER_00:

this flood.

SPEAKER_01:

From my country, it's okay to ask questions. God fucking damn it. Your country is this continent, you dumb twad. My country, that's away from far away. Away from far away.

UNKNOWN:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

A country doesn't have to be one ginormous continent. It's a country, man. It's separate. The Baron looks at you and says, I have been all over this continent, and I also came from the other... I've never seen you as my country. Empire. My village. I have not once heard an individual... And I've traveled very far, and I've not heard a single person with that accent, so I'd highly advise you to stop pretending, sir. I just had one question. He continues on and says, now, military efforts are underway. We have held back the giants attempting to push from the north. Dragons, however, have not been spotted in quite some time. We are wary as to what they are planning. Eric, stop making yourself look like a fool. Okay. I wanted to ask, could I join their

SPEAKER_02:

army to fight against the giants

SPEAKER_01:

in the north? You're supposed to do that first and then roll. Yeah. I

SPEAKER_02:

didn't want to interrupt Bale, so I hit the dice. So he can acknowledge me whenever he gets to me.

SPEAKER_01:

Anyways.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

And as he's saying this, can somebody roll me a perception check? I got plus three, boys! Goddamn. 21. I got 21. You got 20. I got 21. Oh, I got 20, I mean. 24. You had 14. That was me. Donk had 24. Mr. Blue Giant with a big booty. What you got? Big booty, big brain. What you got? So, Sumton, V, and Donk, you all notice first you hear a sound, a clicking sound.

SPEAKER_02:

That ass?

SPEAKER_01:

Shut up. Like a bolt rocking back.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01:

And And then you hear the release. And you hear from the left of you what's sounding like to come from Shaquille's direction, like right next to you, Eric. A fart. As you all notice, a bolt lodges itself into the forehead of the Baron. Should have let me talk, butthole. Can I do an investigation roll? The Baron proceeds to fall back. Shaquille, as you didn't roll a high enough perception for this, you didn't really notice anything until you heard the release. I

SPEAKER_00:

was busy checking pockets.

SPEAKER_01:

Right behind you, you heard this. And as you turn, you don't see anybody there, except for a crossbow at your feet. I have athletics. You hear a guard. Well, first you see a guard point at you, Shaquille. Shouts, murderer! Get him!

SPEAKER_02:

Time out, time out. Who the fuck is Shaquille? I'm

SPEAKER_00:

so confused. Who doesn't know the guy

SPEAKER_01:

at the bottom of the drink at

SPEAKER_02:

the bar? Wait,

SPEAKER_01:

you're Shaquille? Shaquille Oat motherfucking meal.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, okay. Can I use my athletics and take down the guard? Can I roll that dice? Or is that not a thing? I got... Give

SPEAKER_01:

me a moment. Okay. Chew it over with Twix. Now... Right or left, folks? You all notice, Shaquille, before you can really react, three guards have run up and are right behind you. One reaches out to grab you. Now I need everybody. You have five seconds. What are you doing? One. Stolfed it. Athletics. I grab him and I'm going to run out

SPEAKER_00:

of

SPEAKER_01:

there. Wait, so you said three guards ran behind... Shaquille, one is right behind him and reaching out to grab him by the shoulder the ones behind Shaquille and ones behind who else they're all behind Shaquille trying to grab him because they because they because the crossbows at Shaquille's feet and the crossbow came from his direction Okay, so I... Five. Four. I stealth. Three. Wait, hold on. I

SPEAKER_02:

get in front of the guards. I get in front of the guards. Good luck, boys.

SPEAKER_01:

It's all you now. I walk in front of the guards and I start talking to them.

SPEAKER_02:

Me

SPEAKER_01:

too. And then I also start acting like I'm very hurt and I'm fainting. I will say... Okay, so this is what happens. So Alex got a 20 on his stealth. And I'm going to say this... Alex, you were able to slip behind Eric. The guards know you're in the area, but they don't know... Wait, wait, he

SPEAKER_02:

slipped behind me or slipped into me? You gotta be specific, Caramel.

SPEAKER_01:

Slipped behind you.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, how so? Explain. You gotta

SPEAKER_00:

be

SPEAKER_02:

specific with

SPEAKER_01:

this guy. As in, he crouched, walked three feet behind you, and is using you as a human meat shield. Does that descript it of enough

SPEAKER_02:

kind of did he go underneath my legs no do a little

SPEAKER_01:

stroke god damn it all right i get it i'm just trying to describe something

SPEAKER_02:

fair

SPEAKER_01:

let me

SPEAKER_02:

got

SPEAKER_01:

it anyways so they know you're there shaquille but they can't see you at the moment i

SPEAKER_02:

use my intimidation feature

SPEAKER_01:

hold on okay so eric you walk up to them and the guy guard is a little shocked. He was expecting a little elf to grab, but he grabbed the meaty forearm of a big ass ape. That wasn't a forearm, bro. Let me tell you. As the guard is looking down at his hands after grabbing your junk, he looks up in fear as he realized that he just grabbed Goliath's

SPEAKER_02:

junk. And I blew the whistle and Called rape. And then everyone looked at the guards

SPEAKER_01:

as rapists. You're the problem. Not the guy we thought just murdered our Baron. Anyways. Actually, I'm going to go with that. Thank you. Thank you. Eric. No, no, no. I am going with that. But Eric, your intimidation is when he grabbed you, you looked down at him and smiled. Maybe

SPEAKER_02:

I did.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe I didn't. What's it

SPEAKER_02:

to you?

SPEAKER_01:

Don't judge me. He had soft hands, okay? All right. All right. Daniel, so. Is it bad that I'm imagining this? Yep. This

SPEAKER_02:

is so

SPEAKER_01:

wrong Stop it This is not ever going to happen Anyways So Eric Some I'm going to sing it short for some Are you rushing at the guards That are over by him Who me? Yeah I was rushing up until I saw the guard drive Eric I was like whoa Did he also

SPEAKER_00:

smile?

SPEAKER_01:

I was like... Then I just noticed Chappie's badonkadonk. Why would you notice that in all this chaos? I don't know, I just saw a thick booty cheek to my left.

SPEAKER_00:

I shifted my weight to one hip and it just really makes it pop. That's fair, that's fair. I

SPEAKER_01:

just saw a really abnormally huge thick booty to my left. I mean, it's kind of proportionate. It's very proportionate. But I saw this all at the same time, and I was like, wait a minute. Okay, I'll just let this play out for a second. Okay. Thanks, bro. Can you make a persuasion check for me real fast? Oh, me? Because you rushed at them, so I'm doing this to see if the guards are going to see your intention is threatening or not. Oh, you know what? Sorry. Okay, so this is what I'm actually going to do. I... all this, right? And I got confused, and then I'm going to play the old man card. So I trip, and I'll act like I hurt myself when I fall, like my back or something. Hold on, hold on. Are you telling me you're going to try to distract the guards who are trying to capture their assumed murderer of their leader, and they're going to get distracted by an old man hurting himself? Yes. An insignificant old man hurting himself. I'll say I'm pretty significant. Help me. Help, I can't get up. I'm significant. Help me Yes, go ahead do

SPEAKER_00:

a performance check performance

SPEAKER_01:

Nice dang it You trip fall And then and I into one guard looked at you and just did like a fucking hand raise like the fuck's wrong with you Anyways don't what do you do five

SPEAKER_00:

so? So I'm running at the Baron, and I'm going to do a power slide as fast as I can, and just grab or touch any bit of the Baron that I can, and you spare the dying.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that, you know what? Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

What the hell was that, Val?

SPEAKER_01:

Just imagining all those cheeks

SPEAKER_00:

moving the crowd away. It gives me speed. Dispersing the crowd. A lot of people must have got killed by those cheeks on the way

SPEAKER_01:

there. I'm going to... Put a stipulation. Okay. Because it's a touch thing. But it specifically says touch a living creature, right? Does it? Yeah. The Baron just got a bolt to the forehead. A living creature that has zero hit points. Yeah, but it's still living. So he's, like, dead dead. He's dead, but... Roll me... First... Because you're a cleric, so your powers come from a deity. Yes. To determine what bonuses you're going to get, tell me your prayer to spare the dying.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, god of the sun, look down on this. Opens one eye, looks at him. Guy, and send down your healing power. Disperse the light through my touch. Bring it back into a song.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Amen. See his cheeks vibrating. Can I just say? Oh, I generate power. His ass starts to glow with holy power. Roll a religion check for me. I

SPEAKER_00:

barely passed religion class when I was young. I could do better than that. Fuck, Nathan. Um... Also, I just realized he still has an arrow in his head, so he comes back to life. That's what I was doing.

SPEAKER_01:

So, yeah, thank you. I was going to say it. I didn't know if I should. You hear this weird scrunching sound coming from inside his head. He shoots up, screams, and falls back and dies again because he has a fucking arrow in his head. You

SPEAKER_00:

would heal around it.

SPEAKER_01:

it did that was the scrunching sound

SPEAKER_00:

oh my god i tried to save him instead he had really bad pain twice

SPEAKER_01:

context he got a 12 all right so we're gonna do this really fast

SPEAKER_02:

what do you do about the guy grab my dick

SPEAKER_01:

i'm about to i'm about in public i forgot about that V, make an athletic check. Shaquille, make another stealth check for me. And... Oof. Oof. No, I can see all the rolls. Stop spamming the fucking rolls. I can see them. Let me get a good

SPEAKER_02:

number. There. There. Use the last one. Use the last one.

SPEAKER_01:

I see an eight and then a nine. I don't want this to be a good thing, bro. I don't care. It's not a good thing. Anyways.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm being raped.

SPEAKER_01:

You're about to not be as the other two So, the other two guys running at you, they, the, they, the, tackle you. And you are dropped to the ground. Ooh, okay. Alex, or Shaquille, you did not stealth away good enough, so the guys get you by the arm. One guy gets you by the arms and holds you. And, hold on, hold on. Some, can you roll me a flat 20?

SPEAKER_02:

Can I do a survival roll for a fart to get rid of everybody?

SPEAKER_01:

No. Daniel, roll me a flat 20.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's go, Sam. By the way,

SPEAKER_01:

can I try to persuade the crowd? No, roll me a flat 20. Roll a flat 20? I need to determine what's about to happen to you. Low rolls as usual. That's what we do. I don't see anything. He didn't roll anything. He rolled seven. Oh, he rolled seven? Oh, I don't see it. Alex, why'd you have to tell him that? I could have re-rolled, man. I mean... 25. Weird. What happened? So, one of the guards is not the happiest that you were attempting to draw away attention from the supposed killer. And one just tackles you also from the ground. So before, as that's happening, I try to persuade the crowd and tell them that the guards are harassing innocent people. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. Try that. 19, mother chicka! Fuck. Um, what do you say? I say, okay. Okay, I gotta get the voice. Okay, hold on. I'm nervous. Stop it. Help. They are attacking us. We are innocent. Help us. Tackle them. Tackle them. As you say that, you actually notice some people in the crowd in a blind panic actually start grabbing at the guards. Wait, hold on. I finished with this. A man who cannot tolerate smaller fortunes can never accomplish great things. And then, yeah, continue. What did he say? What are they selling? What is he selling? Donk. Donk. Donk. Donk. Donk here. Donk

SPEAKER_00:

here,

SPEAKER_01:

yeah. You feel a hand, a very firm hand land on your shoulder. That was not me. I feel like Donk would be terrified if it was you. And you hear a very loud, stern man go, Enough! Enough! And he looks down at you. And this quiets everybody. Everybody stops attacking each other. And he looks down at you and he says, I do appreciate the sentiment. However, crime has been committed today. Those who should be punished should be punished. However, in the eyes of the people, we see that the elf over there has committed this murder. See

SPEAKER_00:

these nuts? That's our role of deception. Well, you see, your honor, I was next to him. It's not possible. Didn't happen.

SPEAKER_01:

False. He whispers, he kind of leans down, he's like, I saw... Why are you trying to save someone you don't know? Now, we can kill them. No fair justice trial. Or, we can utilize them. Until the moment our Baron is reinstated, I will hold a vote. For those who wish for blood. Can I kill these guys already? Say aye. And you hear all the guards say aye. A couple townsfolk say aye. And then he says, Noted. For those who wish to utilize them in a scouting party for the ones that we lost up in the mountain pass. They either die like our scouts had or they'll succeed aiding our town, making them free men. And we can get to the bottom of the actual murderer. All in favor say aye. Aye. Aye.

UNKNOWN:

Aye.

SPEAKER_01:

as you feel a fucking knee drive into your back alex um you also hear a lot more of the crowd say i kind of nodding at the the wisdom of that statement and did they do that because i rolled that uh that uh persuasion or you will never know oh man bam

SPEAKER_00:

it's unfortunate

SPEAKER_01:

And then he says, it is decided. And he looks at all the four of you. You four, for interfering, will be tasked in infiltrating a long lost mine. Our scouts passed away there. For temporary holding, you will all be placed in the dungeons for tonight. Tomorrow morning, you will all be set off. And that is where we'll end today. Question is, is Eric still hard? Check, please. Check, please. Does he still have a raging boner after the guard touched him? Eric, roll me a constitution check.

SPEAKER_02:

All right, here we go. Constitution, constitution. Six.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you're rock hard. Oh, God. Bro, he rubbed it, right? It's not my fault, okay? I was looking for a good time. First episode. God damn, I didn't think I'd do this first episode. First episode, we're having a dick roll. Eric, roll me a flat 20 for how big it is. What is a flat 20? The left corner of your screen. Click it. You gotta know how hard this is. It says B for boner. I got excited, boy. was. because it's a nat 20 you get to decide how big it is i mean you're eight feet tall dude you might as well be 20 inch tell me how big

SPEAKER_02:

uh All right, I'm going to go full.

SPEAKER_01:

Full

SPEAKER_02:

hog? I'm going to go full 20 inches.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh,

SPEAKER_02:

my

SPEAKER_01:

God. 20 inches. God. 8 feet tall. As the guard, I would be scared.

SPEAKER_02:

He grabbed

SPEAKER_01:

it, bro. I haven't

SPEAKER_02:

had intercourse in so

SPEAKER_01:

long. Wait, this isn't too hard. Wait a minute. No wonder he grabbed that when he first went for it. Why

SPEAKER_02:

did he grab it to begin with? How did this even begin? Are we talking like

SPEAKER_01:

12 ounce can thick? Or are Are we talking like...

SPEAKER_02:

No, no, dude. It's more like... Okay, maybe not Pringles, but like... I'm trying to think of something else. You know the salami? Uh, yeah. It's not that thick. It's a good handful. I'm trying to visualize this right now. Can I get more hints, please?

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you all so much for tuning in to Dungeons and Grunts. We hope you enjoyed this episode as much as we enjoyed creating it because we had a blast. If you enjoyed listening to this, please share it as it will greatly help us grow. We'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback as well, so please leave a comment or review and let us know what you think. As a new podcast, we're still honing our skills, so please bear with us as we work to improve. And as a heads up, we will be releasing new episodes twice a month, so until next time, next time, y'all take care.